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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 5/3/07dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BrokenAngel
    ASL Info:    19/F/MI
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 178/156/47
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 131
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 505



    Description:
       What can I say...I was in English and bored... Any comments welcome.

    Edited:
    10/10/08


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots5/3/07dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sunlight shine upon this seed
    Barely alive in it's infancy.
    Help it grow so it may stay
    and tell its story on a later day;
    Be the giver, do not take
    This fragile life that's still at stake.
    Too much, it'll burn, to little, it will die
    But just the right amount from your disguise.
    Hidden Danger, you are known for
    As you have shut many open doors
    Help this seed grow to completion
    After all, this is spring season




    Submitted on 2007-05-07 11:50:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I can tell it was the product of Mr. Pratley making you want to gouge your eyes out with a foon. It's not bad, but it's not the best thing I've ever read either. These little projects are good for developing your writing, but as standalone pieces they don't do so well. I would have put this in your journal. It's mostly mental dribble, equivalent to a quick sketch. But when Mr. Pratley is boring you out of your skull it's hard to write much.

    Oye. The stupid kids in Rodal's won't shut up. Do you think people would get mad if I killed them all? Brainless morons. I'd like to see what you might turn out in this atmosphere. That could be interesting.

    Anyhow, the imagery isn't bad and the diction is fairly clever. It could be better, but so could a lot of things.

    Looking forward to your next piece.
    | Posted on 2007-05-08 00:00:00 | by Zabriel | [ Reply to This ]
      Fragil=Fragile.
    Too much, it'll burn, too little, it will die.
    Nitpicks.
    And yes, today is very boring.
    I like this though, ;D
    Keep writing.
    | Posted on 2007-05-07 00:00:00 | by Mieko | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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