[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: "Hold Until Relieved"dots

    Author: Ron Cole
    Elite Ratio:    3.95 - 2383/1715/240
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1440
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1265


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Hold Until Relieved"dots

    They gently pried his pistol
    from his frozen hands;
    around him lay the bodies of
    the men in his command.

    They’d held a vital hilltop
    for nigh on sixty hours!
    Relief had been forthcoming
    or, so told by higher powers!

    But the promised reinforcements
    had been forced into retreat!
    They were flanked and outmanuvered,
    and soundly, thoroughly beat!

    They were low on ammunition.
    They could hear the gathering force
    of the enemy just below the rim,
    who would charge them in due course!

    They found a letter to his wife
    in his shirt against his breast.
    He had scribbled a final message,
    and wished her all the best.

    This would be his final letter
    he told her soulfully!
    He said that he was sorry
    for the way things had to be!

    He wrote how much he’d missed her
    and the children just as well!
    He had never seen the baby
    and now he never shall!

    He told her that he loved her
    and it was for her he grieved;
    but, he must obey his last command
    to hold until relieved!

    Ron Cole
    May 2007

    Submitted on 2007-05-07 21:40:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      War is Hell to both sides. Loves are lost, family torn apart, this was a very descriptive last day for just one poor soul. Many more were torn apart in just this same way.
    Well done Ron.
    | Posted on 2011-05-29 00:00:00 | by DUSTYTU | [ Reply to This ]
      Ron, as a retired military man and a husband this piece truly hit me where I live. When I think about how many more times such actions will take place as long as we have men in Iraq and Afghanistan it makes me shivers and pray for some semblence of sanity to take hold.
    | Posted on 2007-08-18 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay you really got me on this one, it gave me goosebumps. That really sums it up for me. If I read a poem and it gives me goosebumps it was the perfect write. Beautiful and sad all wrapped in one. My words can not describe the feeling I had from the poem. It was just great.

    | Posted on 2007-08-16 00:00:00 | by PrettyHeart | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, this is really quite excellent! So wonderfully and so ably told, a great tale and a superb poem. It had a real "marshal" meter to it thoughout, reminiscent of the serious work of Robert Service... I loved it, loved it, absolutely loved it! bravo... bravo... bravo... michael
    | Posted on 2007-05-25 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice one Ron. You sure know how to tug at the heart strings.

    | Posted on 2007-05-17 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      This sad tale has been repeated over and over thoughout history and to this very day. My only suggestion would be to rhyme lines 2 and 4 in the next to last stanza. Maybe "well" could be rhymed with "hell" or "tell" or "dispel" (perhaps "as fate would now dispel"). The rest of the poem is perfect as is the soulful message. Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-05-12 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      It's a solid piece; the quick pace and rhyme sort of belie the deeper meaning. I'm not sure what else I can really say, except another nice job.

    | Posted on 2007-05-08 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, thats such a deep piece Ron, its so moving it nearly made me cry. dam, i actually have nothing to write that will really say how amazing this poem is. apart from - another great write and your really have outdone yourself this time. well done. x

    | Posted on 2007-05-08 00:00:00 | by elseibi | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]