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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: artist statment dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: milo stills
    Elite Ratio:    3.37 - 345/476/138
    Words: 331
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 935
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1730



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsartist statment dots
    -------------------------------------------


    My name is Derrick Salas and I am a very insecure artist, Iím telling you this because I want to be honest, Iím doing this for you. I am trying to be sincere but I fear your rejection. I am disgusting, so please donít try and make me into something beautiful. My brain is fed electricity through white hot wires, after that everything comes naturally. I do this is in private of course, so please donít tell anyone. I can remember smoke rising from sweat soaked sheets. I can remember soft curly hair twisting between my fingers. I donít try to be ugly. But the world is changing and slowing down; melting like an ice cube between her legs, and she is beautiful. I canít stop painting her, every time she looks different, so I start again.

    Soon we will all understand whatís on the inside.

    I am a river and your judgment is a rotten fish, floating down stream, toward the open ocean. Or more likely I am the fish and you are the river. Or maybe the river is dried up and all the fish are dead. In that case I am an old man, turning each fish over and shaking with hunger, shooing away the flies and rats. I canít afford to steal paint now. I am starving for your affection and rotten fish is better then dirt and steam, cooked together over bestselling science fiction.

    Luckily, soon all of us will burst, water will flow from our finger tips, and plants will grow when we walk side by side. No more words can pass between us, Iím sorry but itís hard to stay still for this long. I am covered in paint, my brain is like a melting ice cube, and I donít think I have much more time. I love you for listening, so please buy a painting so I donít have to steal anymore paint.




    Submitted on 2007-05-08 11:33:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "My name is Derrick Salas and I am a very insecure artist, Iím telling you this because I want to be honest, Iím doing this for you."

    HOOKED.
    I mean let's be completely honest, writing is all about the first sentence. If I read the first sentence and it's boring as hell, only a really really really good picture with an interesting caption can save the piece. Or maybe if it's written by someone I like, but even then, if the first sentence sucks then I'll be disappointed.

    I like that the narrator keeps going, "don't tell anyone." It really does sound sincere. Whatever, I paint and I'm usually very honest and I'm ridiculously self-conscious so maybe that's why I like the piece so much. Because being able to relate to a character is almost as important as having a catchy intro.

    I can't say that I understand everything but I do catch 1) a sexual innuendo and 2) a whiff of pure gross-ness in the middle paragraph about the fish. I don't know if you intended to get that across to the reader, but that's what I got. And what I have to say about it. 1) Maybe I just have my mind in the gutter or what not but in any case the line, "I canít stop painting her, every time she looks different, so I start again," is really distracting to me. If you don't know why I think this is sexual then you obviously didn't intend for it to be sexual so I'll leave it at that. 2) I think the gross-ness of the fish paragraph is amazing because it shows the pain that the artist is going through. It must suck to be him at that particular time. Word choice is perfect, they all scream "gross" to me. Actually gross isn't the right word but it's the only word I can think of right now, and it's close enough...so forgive me.

    Sorry I'm not sure what I'm trying to say so I apologize for the ramble/not very constructive criticism. But anyway, keep on keeping on.
    TRAVWELL!
    | Posted on 2007-11-22 00:00:00 | by travwell | [ Reply to This ]
      i do like this one a bit better. it's pretty clean for you. i mean sentence structure and grammatically. dunno. you don't usually do that. i tried to paint again the other day.
    hah. screw that i'll stick with charcoal. i can't handle more than one color.
    | Posted on 2007-05-13 00:00:00 | by reid kat | [ Reply to This ]
      i didnt know you painted.
    i like this version a tad better
    | Posted on 2007-05-11 00:00:00 | by orderly conduct | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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