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    dots Submission Name: untitled, (or, how I got turned into a stone.)dots

    Author: marigold
    Elite Ratio:    3.08 - 182/203/89
    Words: 276
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 1386
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1750


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    dotsuntitled, (or, how I got turned into a stone.)dots

    The wind stood still and held its breath
    a shadow swept across the room
    and through the chill and moonless night
    a voice not yet a whisper said--

    --tell me your name
    and I will let you go.--

    I would have laughed--don't get me wrong--
    if it were day, if it were light,
    but it was still, and night, and dark--
    the slivered voice crept over me--

    --tell me your name
    and I will let you go.--

    so nothing for it, you might say--
    either my name, or--anyway.
    the thing was, I'd forgotten it,
    (the doing of that damned voice!)

    --tell me your name
    and I will let you go.--

    so there I sat and racked my brain
    and felt those words about my throat
    I wondered what would happen if--
    wait! was this life or death or what?

    --tell me your name
    and I will let you go.--

    "this isn't going well" I thought
    I did not have one faintest clue,
    and felt it would not work to ask
    for help--say, like multiple choice?

    --tell me your name
    and I will let you go.--

    so there you see, what can I say?
    --that patience is in short supply
    even among that ghostly lot
    whose sole existence is a voice.--

    --tell me your name
    and I will let you go.--

    that was the very last repeat
    and then I felt a hardening
    and next I was an inert stone.
    ...but still I heard--from far away--

    --tell me your name
    and I will let you go.--

    Submitted on 2007-05-08 12:53:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hehe. Reading this, I didn't know whether to laugh or be creeped out. I like it! Very dark, somewhat funny. Great combo.

    However, I think it can be improved upon if you put this in italics:

    --tell me your name
    and I will let you go.--

    Sort of a different voice thing.

    | Posted on 2008-02-07 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      The start of this was really great and the whole thing sounded almost gothic (and the good sort of 1700's gothic, not the crappy stuff people claim is gothic) I know that you want this to be a satire, but at the same time it almost seems deep and full of meaning, though that might be from the fact that the whole thing is well written and flows together pretty well. Good job on this, I'll give a 9.5 out of 10
    | Posted on 2007-05-08 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]

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