Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Gazingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AutumnLeaves
    ASL Info:    26/f/ Cyprus
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 95/103/44
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 666
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 810



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGazingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Gazing at us
    Gazing at each other.
    Perspective
    From imagined perspectives.
    Myriads of intrusions
    From one single edge of emotion.
    The different shapes of clouds
    Make it easy
    For the reminiscence
    Of the unknown fabric
    In that painting.
    And that painter
    Who kissed his inert moment
    In order to go through multiple fractions
    And satisfy the musings of
    Abstraction.
    All this,
    The gaze eludes.
    It barely touches
    The sinking angles,
    The inviting dreaminess
    Of oceanic apparitions
    And like a mutinous propeller
    It launches
    On panoptic beauty.
    Restful, complete
    It remains there
    Gazing at us,
    Gazing at each other.




    Submitted on 2007-05-08 14:20:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Panoptic? Not to many people left on this site who use this kind of language, unfortunately. My favorite line: And that painter / who kissed his inert moment”. Simply lovely. One suggestion is that the comma should be dispensed with. One line I truly dislike: “From this, the gazing eludes.” Not just off technically; it grates. Elude is strongly transitive. It eludes X, not from X. “Diverge” or “diverts” would work better; or “All this / the gaze eludes”.
    Parts of this made me hold my breath – not figuratively; really hold my breath. Unlike many dreamy poems, this one is very fine.
    fred
    | Posted on 2007-05-08 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    142128

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Shi written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Carry written by saartha
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Love written by saartha
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    The World written by jjd
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry