Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Gazingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AutumnLeaves
    ASL Info:    26/f/ Cyprus
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 95/103/44
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 717
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 810



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGazingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Gazing at us
    Gazing at each other.
    Perspective
    From imagined perspectives.
    Myriads of intrusions
    From one single edge of emotion.
    The different shapes of clouds
    Make it easy
    For the reminiscence
    Of the unknown fabric
    In that painting.
    And that painter
    Who kissed his inert moment
    In order to go through multiple fractions
    And satisfy the musings of
    Abstraction.
    All this,
    The gaze eludes.
    It barely touches
    The sinking angles,
    The inviting dreaminess
    Of oceanic apparitions
    And like a mutinous propeller
    It launches
    On panoptic beauty.
    Restful, complete
    It remains there
    Gazing at us,
    Gazing at each other.




    Submitted on 2007-05-08 14:20:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Panoptic? Not to many people left on this site who use this kind of language, unfortunately. My favorite line: And that painter / who kissed his inert moment”. Simply lovely. One suggestion is that the comma should be dispensed with. One line I truly dislike: “From this, the gazing eludes.” Not just off technically; it grates. Elude is strongly transitive. It eludes X, not from X. “Diverge” or “diverts” would work better; or “All this / the gaze eludes”.
    Parts of this made me hold my breath – not figuratively; really hold my breath. Unlike many dreamy poems, this one is very fine.
    fred
    | Posted on 2007-05-08 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    142128

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Stretto written by saartha
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Legends written by poetotoe
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    This written by Chelebel
    untitled written by Chelebel
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry