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    dots Submission Name: Gazingdots

    Author: AutumnLeaves
    ASL Info:    26/f/ Cyprus
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 95/103/44
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 966
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 810


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    Gazing at us
    Gazing at each other.
    From imagined perspectives.
    Myriads of intrusions
    From one single edge of emotion.
    The different shapes of clouds
    Make it easy
    For the reminiscence
    Of the unknown fabric
    In that painting.
    And that painter
    Who kissed his inert moment
    In order to go through multiple fractions
    And satisfy the musings of
    All this,
    The gaze eludes.
    It barely touches
    The sinking angles,
    The inviting dreaminess
    Of oceanic apparitions
    And like a mutinous propeller
    It launches
    On panoptic beauty.
    Restful, complete
    It remains there
    Gazing at us,
    Gazing at each other.

    Submitted on 2007-05-08 14:20:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Panoptic? Not to many people left on this site who use this kind of language, unfortunately. My favorite line: And that painter / who kissed his inert moment”. Simply lovely. One suggestion is that the comma should be dispensed with. One line I truly dislike: “From this, the gazing eludes.” Not just off technically; it grates. Elude is strongly transitive. It eludes X, not from X. “Diverge” or “diverts” would work better; or “All this / the gaze eludes”.
    Parts of this made me hold my breath – not figuratively; really hold my breath. Unlike many dreamy poems, this one is very fine.
    | Posted on 2007-05-08 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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