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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: moral of the storydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PoeticNonsense
    ASL Info:    20/f/around
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 205/215/100
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1026
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 709



    Description:
       revised.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmoral of the storydots
    -------------------------------------------


    head leaning against the window pane.
    the rain pounding on the glass.
    the storm raging outside
    as well as inside.
    staring out the window,
    but not really seeing.
    the book of fairytales slips from her lap.
    the happy endings crash to the floor.
    she tilts her head to look
    at the broken binding,
    the dead dreams.

    dreams that betrayed her.
    filled her with false hope.
    laughed as she wished upon a star.
    allowed her to believe in happy endings.
    dreams that let her fall in love
    and then just let her fall.

    she turns her face away.
    she doesnt believe in fairytales anymore.




    Submitted on 2007-05-08 18:18:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      very very poetic piece of writing...alot of imagery in it...you could work of your flow of words a little better...but other than that it is really clear and simple and thats a good way to write...keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2007-10-23 00:00:00 | by maggotgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm rather surprised that this piece only garnered two comments out of over 50 viewings. It is well written and the message of the piece comes through loud and clear and it is something that anyone who has endured a broken love affair can relate to.
    | Posted on 2007-10-04 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      Depressing indeed, but a pleasant read.
    I'm filled with sympathy……
    Interesting perspective to have a book of fairy tales mocking your ignorance.
    I’ll be watching out for future works.

    Until Next time...
    | Posted on 2007-05-09 00:00:00 | by theDevilsPocket | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, isn't that depressing. I understand the feeling, of simply falling. No net while you're tight-rope walking.

    "dreams that betrayed her.
    filled her with false hope.
    laughed as she wished upon a star.
    let her believe in happy endings.
    dreams that let her fall in love
    and then just let her fall."

    My favorite stanza, it's sad, but not completely, it seems to remember what was good, when she was ignorant to reality. Bittersweet.

    Other then that, I only have one problem...
    "head leaning against the window pane.
    the rain pounding on the glass.
    the storm raging outside
    as well as
    inside.
    staring out the window,"

    The part where you seperated "as well as" and "inside" I think it would be better if you would put it on the same line.

    Karios
    | Posted on 2007-05-08 00:00:00 | by Karios | [ Reply to This ]


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