Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

moral of the story


Author: PoeticNonsense
ASL Info:    20/f/around
Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 205 /215 /100
Words: 106
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1644
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 709



Description:


revised.


moral of the story



head leaning against the window pane.
the rain pounding on the glass.
the storm raging outside
as well as inside.
staring out the window,
but not really seeing.
the book of fairytales slips from her lap.
the happy endings crash to the floor.
she tilts her head to look
at the broken binding,
the dead dreams.

dreams that betrayed her.
filled her with false hope.
laughed as she wished upon a star.
allowed her to believe in happy endings.
dreams that let her fall in love
and then just let her fall.

she turns her face away.
she doesnt believe in fairytales anymore.




Submitted on 2007-05-08 18:18:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  very very poetic piece of writing...alot of imagery in it...you could work of your flow of words a little better...but other than that it is really clear and simple and thats a good way to write...keep up the good work
| Posted on 2007-10-23 00:00:00 | by maggotgirl | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm rather surprised that this piece only garnered two comments out of over 50 viewings. It is well written and the message of the piece comes through loud and clear and it is something that anyone who has endured a broken love affair can relate to.
| Posted on 2007-10-04 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
  Depressing indeed, but a pleasant read.
I'm filled with sympathy……
Interesting perspective to have a book of fairy tales mocking your ignorance.
I’ll be watching out for future works.

Until Next time...
| Posted on 2007-05-09 00:00:00 | by theDevilsPocket | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, isn't that depressing. I understand the feeling, of simply falling. No net while you're tight-rope walking.

"dreams that betrayed her.
filled her with false hope.
laughed as she wished upon a star.
let her believe in happy endings.
dreams that let her fall in love
and then just let her fall."

My favorite stanza, it's sad, but not completely, it seems to remember what was good, when she was ignorant to reality. Bittersweet.

Other then that, I only have one problem...
"head leaning against the window pane.
the rain pounding on the glass.
the storm raging outside
as well as
inside.
staring out the window,"

The part where you seperated "as well as" and "inside" I think it would be better if you would put it on the same line.

Karios
| Posted on 2007-05-08 00:00:00 | by Karios | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



142146