Well, for the poem in itself, it's cliché. I'm sure it has meaning behind it, however, I don't want to sit through something that has been done a thousand times before. It NEEDS punctuation. Poems are more than just rhyming, or in your case, no rhyming short tales. The flow is hard to follow. Basically, there is no hope for this poem. However, I understand that people write poetry to vent their feelings, which is great, just don't expect wonderful feedback if you are going through a cliché event.