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    dots Submission Name: Permafrost Gardendots

    Author: Draigon
    ASL Info:    25/m/Al
    Elite Ratio:    4.25 - 164/196/91
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1091
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 941


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    dotsPermafrost Gardendots

    Winter's fury takes its toll on nature,
    freezing green leaves
    in a emerald garden.

    Frozen tears fall from the sky,
    dancing onto the ground,
    as it is sealed in an icy tomb.

    Such beauty in chaos,
    blankets of white swirl over the tomb,
    covering it in pale loveliness.


    Cars crash on the icy roads,
    trees collapse under tremendous force,
    driving them onto dwellings,
    and electric lines.

    Cries echo through the bitter cold,
    of the one's who are shut out,
    as their bodies freeze,
    in demented allurement.

    All them become an edition,
    to the permafrost garden.

    Souls become captivated in ice,
    the sun reflects off the crystal,
    creating a dazling sheen.
    In the permafrost garden,
    where porcelin seems inferior.

    Submitted on 2007-05-09 12:40:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I love the shift of tone mang...from beautiful to tortureous badnessand[censored]tiness...


    i think

    huge talent

    | Posted on 2007-05-23 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't want to comment positively on this poem yet, because it needs some fixing. 'An emerald', to begin with, not 'a emerald'. You repeat words like freezing and frozen too much in a way that isn't pleasant or necessary. Try looking up synonyms and using more phonetically pleasing words to reinforce your imagery. Instead of repeating frozen, try using frigid, petrified (in the sense of being cold and still), and even delve beyond just synonyms for cold. Describe the freezing instead of just using a single word. I don't know, I feel like this had much more potential.
    | Posted on 2007-05-09 00:00:00 | by UnderINK | [ Reply to This ]
      Goodness, this is such a visual poem. I LOVE IT! I especially love the term you used, "emerald garden", which was so clear to me it was almost chilling. The last stanza is amazing, because I think of it away that porcelain is something manmade that it supposed to be something of beauty, and the beauty of the nature is so much more beautiful than any manmade replica anyone could ever make.
    "Souls become captivated in ice,
    the sun reflects off the crystal,
    creating a dazling sheen."
    I love this part of the poem, and what I got from it was light shining on souls, reflecting the beauty it held that is only seen in winter. I'm going to go one step further into saying that winter is associated with darkness, only because the days grow shorter, so that is when the soul really shines. Honestly, I could go on with my interpretation, but I am just going to stop. I thought this was beautiful.
    Be at peace,
    | Posted on 2007-05-09 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]

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