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    dots Submission Name: Daisy Destroyed (Burn This Lie)dots

    Author: misty_of_moon
    ASL Info:    18/f/Right Here.
    Elite Ratio:    4.45 - 230/325/108
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 1029
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 477

       ...Another poem i cannot explain. i think it's about regret. Regret for betraying soemone's heart, regret of lying ot that betrayed heart, regret for pretending...regret for...for...i don't know.

    p.s. --there was no "regret" type, but "sorry" is close enough.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDaisy Destroyed (Burn This Lie)dots

    Heaven burn this lie
    wrap your flame
    around these words
    until they fall to ash.

    heaven close your gates
    and turn your face away
    shield your eyes
    from all my lies.

    it burns across my face
    i love you, i love you not
    daisies are only broken hearts
    lies can never heal.

    heaven, burn this lie
    wrap your flame
    around my words
    lest I make your angels cry.

    Submitted on 2007-05-09 20:36:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Oh, for the love of god. I get it. You're anti-punctuation comments, you're anti-imagery needed criticism, and you're a TS Eliot fan. Fine.

    The reason you should add some punctuation is to give the reader an idea of HOW YOU WANT THE POEM TO READ! Line breaks do not denote a pause. Commas, semi-colons, dashes, exclamation point, periods, and question marks tell the reader when to pause. So, try helping us outside of your head know what you intended.

    Also, what lie? You need substance.
    | Posted on 2007-10-12 00:00:00 | by meerkat whimsy | [ Reply to This ]
      You need to go either "Lies can never heal" or "Lies can't ever heal".

    Check out the last line: it doesn't work. I think that's because the poem is about regret, not suicide or dying of mortification or whatever. A lot of poets write about several different things in the same poem - and my opinion is, that doesn't work!

    I think the repetition in the last stanza is very effective - but the last line needs.......not my thoughts.......it needs you to puzzle over it some more!

    I enjoyed reading it: a well- made poem is delightful just because of the sincere craftwork. And this poem is easy to understand - which is another thing that delights me!
    | Posted on 2007-05-10 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the honesty and feeling behind this! I too, as we all, can relate to the lies or hurt we do to others and the regret at times especially when done to those we love very much.

    I especially like the first 2 stanza's. Perfectly worded I wouldn't change a thing. Heaven burn this lie
    wrap your flame
    around these words
    until they fall to ash.

    heaven close your gates
    and turn your face away
    shield your eyes
    from all my lies

    It could be me but I feel it lost something in the last 2. The feeling and wording just weren't there as they were in the begining. Maybe something to look at as definately a WOW in the works.

    Looking forward to more. Heather
    | Posted on 2007-05-09 00:00:00 | by HAD | [ Reply to This ]

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