Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Intertwining Vines of Words

Author: caballero7137
ASL Info:    22/m/victoriaville
Elite Ratio:    0.72 - 9 /104 /123
Words: 90
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 865
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 612


Intertwining Vines of Words

I submit to the will of a doll
that has my life and soul
lock and shackled in a bind
with intertwining vines of words.
Words are wrapping around
like a diamondback snake.
I can feel the literal squeeze
as I can feel bones crushing
and vital organs collapsing
so I can become a paperweight
inside a tiny little box.
A little wooden box
that lays a yonder below
Earth’s central core,
where salvageable hope
and salvageable light
or possible rescue
are not probable scenarios

Submitted on 2007-05-10 06:37:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  i see a LOT of southern influence here... its ok... JUST ok... and the word snake doesn't belong... choppy flow... and semi artistic... I get the feeling that you might be capable of better given what I can see about your personality here, maybe your a little bit of an underachiever... try harder dude

| Posted on 2007-05-10 00:00:00 | by psyko | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?