Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: New Life?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lolavie
    ASL Info:    23/female/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 70/175/103
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 696
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 414



    Description:
       New life..speaks for itself....actually i guess im going back to my old life...eh whatever...comment if u must even if uve come just to read...thanks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNew Life?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rhymes with orange
    Questioning present presence
    Revamped or completely nulled?
    Staring at yellow tonsils i swallow

    Answering unknown inquires
    Correct or assumption?
    Blinking from yielding traffic lights

    Blowing off experience
    Worth the while or while its worth it?
    Blind from the thought of orange fading to yellow
    Mellow yellow




    Submitted on 2004-06-14 04:55:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'll mention a color here that I ask someone to think of as they read this, though it does not appear on the surface at all: red.

    And red is a color with its meanings to people, and though it is not mentioned I'll present my reasons:
    tonsils are normally red, yield traffic lights (according to the one down my street) blink red, and to turn orange from yellow you remove red.

    So here i create my alternate interpretation (being the dirty [censored] that I am).

    Red is traditionally associated with anger, and this is about in part the release of anger. Biggest clues, new life and mellow yellow, the start and end and therefore points of interest.

    So this give the line by line:
    The first stanza is an image of talking, asking questions over and over that are to some degree unanswerable for nothing rhymes with orange, and it had continued until the tonsils are sore and the conclusion is still not certain, whether thought revamped or destroyed.
    Red reference, tonsils... sore tonsils are red, but there is a goal here, to go to a soft color (yellow is not associated with anger at any cost, and I like the image of a newborn chick with purty yellow feathers representing the new life, but I digress). That the soreness is not the result, despite confusion.

    Moving on to number two, someone (possibly the other person in the conversation) is getting answers, the protagonist knows they are giving away those answers, though they don't know what questions that person is asking in the first place. Artfully presented, and the value of those answers are themselves questioned (what value answers when ignorant of their corresponding questions?)
    Red reference, traffic lights, a person unsure whether to stop or go, as the light never leaves red and simply blinks there (for those who have ever had to drive and encountered a particularly pesky yield light like the one at the end of my street).

    Last stanza, I put in the image of blowing off steam, that anger of the old life, that must be conquered to move on to the new. Blind to how it will happen or how it result, but hoping for the mellow end. Red reference, its going away... from orange to yellow.

    Why not just say red? Cause maybe this is not what she meant, but its how I'd say it. How does red change now, for the final triumph?

    Red starts as soreness in number one, by two it has become a danger, it is unknown where to stop to avoid seeing the red, where to stop, and finally it is fading away. This sort of mirrors the process of acceptance, first it hurts, then it confuses, and then it sinks in and you move on.

    Changes:
    I like the poem, cause it has my required quintiple interpretations, the ideas that transcend more than just the surface that make this writing so attractive. To be honest though, while many like the worth the while wordplay, I see it as elegant, but illplaced. It is the big riddle, but it is something asked at the start... it is not reflected at the end for that is not its place. I know why it is there of course, and yes it can be interpreted in a way such that it works, but it makes it weaker. However leave it there (only change typos from the audience's suggestion, as the original has some value, don't revise because someone else says so without thinking it through a long time yourself).
    | Posted on 2004-06-14 00:00:00 | by DocJonathan | [ Reply to This ]
      nice way to describe new life. My favorite lines were
    "Worth the while or while its worth it?
    Blind from the thought of orange fading to yellow
    Mellow yellow"
    All around, I think this piece was awesome, and a really good, yet different, way to express a new life, or change...
    | Posted on 2004-06-14 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]
      "Blowing off experience
    Worth the while or while its worth it?" this thought is basically a riddle that keeps circulating mostly everyone. Your piece shows talent with a very eloquent. You've naturally celebrated life in a weird way and you've given it a look on both sides...
    | Posted on 2004-06-14 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    14230

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry