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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: escape from depressiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jamm
    ASL Info:    14/male/california
    Elite Ratio:    1.51 - 21/12/27
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1074
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1025



    Description:
       wrote it when i was bored wow i suck
    o well


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsescape from depressiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    alone without hope
    screaming for open ears
    crying hopelessly but no one sees the tears
    no one seems to care
    all i needed was help

    now I'm alone
    i don't have anyone here be my side
    who do i talk to when I'm broken inside
    i don't have a family nor any friends
    all i have left is this razor with sharp ends

    i said to myself i could do it
    but its time that i get through this pain
    i have no reason to keep going
    so i draw a dotted line and label cut here
    (cut here)
    ------------

    i put the blade to it
    oh god am i gonna do it
    down goes the blade out comes the pain
    it feels cold and peaceful
    I'm finally happy
    the blood drips down in to my sink
    i drop the razor
    and pray to my savior
    "it was the only way out and now I'm free"
    that was the story of how i ended me






    Submitted on 2007-05-10 19:45:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ok, your topic choice is good and you show a clear understanding of the emotions about which you write, but you need to watch you punctuation and over all grammer, the graphology is a bit off which leads to it being slightly confusing. However, criticism aside, it demonstrates a very high level of potential. Keep it up and welcome to eliteskills. Fleur x
    | Posted on 2007-05-15 00:00:00 | by wilted_flower | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this one. The topic is cliché, however I myself have written about it. I think you expressed your feelings very well in this piece.

    "now im alone
    i dont have anyone here be my side
    who do i talk to when im brocken inside
    i dont have a family nor any friends
    all i have left is this razor with sharp ends"

    This is my favorite stanza. Only advice, watch your grammer. A poem gives off a better feeling if it's clean looking. Overall, I like the wording and the flow is really good. I give it a 7 out of 10.
    | Posted on 2007-05-11 00:00:00 | by katieboo6 | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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