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    dots Submission Name: escape from depressiondots

    Author: jamm
    ASL Info:    14/male/california
    Elite Ratio:    1.51 - 21/12/27
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1074
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1025

       wrote it when i was bored wow i suck
    o well

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsescape from depressiondots

    alone without hope
    screaming for open ears
    crying hopelessly but no one sees the tears
    no one seems to care
    all i needed was help

    now I'm alone
    i don't have anyone here be my side
    who do i talk to when I'm broken inside
    i don't have a family nor any friends
    all i have left is this razor with sharp ends

    i said to myself i could do it
    but its time that i get through this pain
    i have no reason to keep going
    so i draw a dotted line and label cut here
    (cut here)

    i put the blade to it
    oh god am i gonna do it
    down goes the blade out comes the pain
    it feels cold and peaceful
    I'm finally happy
    the blood drips down in to my sink
    i drop the razor
    and pray to my savior
    "it was the only way out and now I'm free"
    that was the story of how i ended me

    Submitted on 2007-05-10 19:45:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ok, your topic choice is good and you show a clear understanding of the emotions about which you write, but you need to watch you punctuation and over all grammer, the graphology is a bit off which leads to it being slightly confusing. However, criticism aside, it demonstrates a very high level of potential. Keep it up and welcome to eliteskills. Fleur x
    | Posted on 2007-05-15 00:00:00 | by wilted_flower | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this one. The topic is cliché, however I myself have written about it. I think you expressed your feelings very well in this piece.

    "now im alone
    i dont have anyone here be my side
    who do i talk to when im brocken inside
    i dont have a family nor any friends
    all i have left is this razor with sharp ends"

    This is my favorite stanza. Only advice, watch your grammer. A poem gives off a better feeling if it's clean looking. Overall, I like the wording and the flow is really good. I give it a 7 out of 10.
    | Posted on 2007-05-11 00:00:00 | by katieboo6 | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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