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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: they want to know dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: flyfire
    ASL Info:    17, Female, Australia
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 33/19/14
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 611
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 343



    Description:
       mmm, any thoughts?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthey want to know dots
    -------------------------------------------


    the greasy air that surrounds my mind
    wont the the honeyed sunlight in
    so malcontent oozes thickly from the tongues
    of those closest to me; fetid mud
    leeching into my veins from the internal few
    swirling up dark currents of despondency.

    why can i not be happy for them?




    Submitted on 2007-05-10 21:37:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Honestly, it was a little unclear. I love the words, the adjectives, etc. but those they're pretty much useless if I cannot understand the poem. I think with a little work, you'll get better. And remember that you write for you, and no one else.
    | Posted on 2007-05-10 00:00:00 | by katieboo6 | [ Reply to This ]
      do you listen to metalcore by any chance?

    you seem like a cool chick, and I like the way you think, but, this is [censored]. sorry to say so, with you being new and all...

    I do like your command of language and word usage, it's the placement and structure that bugs the hell out of me.

    but I'm sure that if you associate with people on this site for long enough, you WILL grow as an artist, Hell, you already have more than most people have on here, and that's a [censored] brain! hahaha

    psyko
    | Posted on 2007-05-10 00:00:00 | by psyko | [ Reply to This ]


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    142343

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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