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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: With you.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Katlord
    ASL Info:    24/no thanks/my room
    Elite Ratio:    2.17 - 375/199/101
    Words: 55
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 806
    Average Vote:    3.5000
    Bytes: 347



    Description:
       It talks about something I would frequently experince in my home life.. Enjoy


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWith you.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    This isn't the way I pictured it.
    This life I have with you.

    You told me that you loved me.
    You don't have a clue.

    He comes home screaming every night.
    I hide down in my room.

    My precious door.
    My only protection.

    For only it can sperate me and you.




    Submitted on 2007-05-11 12:18:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmm. This one tells a sad story. One that I thankfully cannot relate to. Sadly, I know people who can...I only wish that you had described more. Who was this about? Was it you? What happened? Or maybe just told more of this sad story. Good job though.
    | Posted on 2007-12-31 00:00:00 | by Draumrkopa | [ Reply to This ]
      ok, umm...your description comes off a bit too descriptive, because the poem only encases so much. perhaps setting the reader up as much as you do, with the background information, isnt the best sort of idea. there is no groundrule for how much you must offer (besides the poem, of course) next thing, although seemingly small, it adds to the professionalism of the poem. you need to check your spelling/grammar/tense, and then present your piece again. its good, but certainly you can fix it up in a couple spots. take care.

    -tony
    | Posted on 2007-05-11 00:00:00 | by wonderbread1000 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. Who/what is this about? abusive elders/parents? This is good. See-- i told you! right? We must be related. I love this. I can relate to this without having experience it. Thank you, this is good.
    | Posted on 2007-05-11 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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