Hmmm. This one tells a sad story. One that I thankfully cannot relate to. Sadly, I know people who can...I only wish that you had described more. Who was this about? Was it you? What happened? Or maybe just told more of this sad story. Good job though.
ok, umm...your description comes off a bit too descriptive, because the poem only encases so much. perhaps setting the reader up as much as you do, with the background information, isnt the best sort of idea. there is no groundrule for how much you must offer (besides the poem, of course) next thing, although seemingly small, it adds to the professionalism of the poem. you need to check your spelling/grammar/tense, and then present your piece again. its good, but certainly you can fix it up in a couple spots. take care.