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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: And Now We Disappeardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Agent V.
    ASL Info:    23/girl/small town
    Elite Ratio:    7.23 - 38/29/24
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 695
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 716



    Description:
       An old piece that craves resuscitation.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnd Now We Disappeardots
    -------------------------------------------


    And now we disappear
    down the stairway of our minds
    with time as our scapegoat
    we were never ones to decide
    so say goodbye to what you thought you knew
    because that doorway amidst actuality and truth
    is a vantage point youíll never see clearly.

    Together now we wade into oblivion
    maybe then can we smother our differences
    and live under the blanket of the haze
    breathing freely within close circumference
    I never felt more secure
    with you I have everything I didnít know I wanted,
    which was nothing at all.

    Immersed now you can finally see clearly
    the visible spectrum of knowing and departing.




    Submitted on 2007-05-11 17:22:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      ugh!
    ive been trying to comment on this since you first put it up and it hasnt worked just yet...

    lets give it a whirl though.

    i LOVE the title.
    i love it because its also the first line of the piece... kinda old school/e
    cummings way of working.
    but i also love it because i have NO idea what come before it...
    and now we disappear... i KNOW so much has happened for us to get to this point...

    is it magic that we disappear?
    is a good thing?
    are we disappearing to avoid bad things...

    so many questions... i love it.

    i almost want to tell you that you need to get some more punctiation in here but my and punctuation dont get along so i cannot tell you specifically where.

    the only issue i have with this piece is the middle stanza seems a lil confused with tenses.
    you have "maybe then..." which seems to me to speak of a future intention and then right after 'and now we wade...'
    im not sure what im trying to say but something feels awkward in this stanza (i wish i knew something lol)

    but i love time being our scapegoat.
    modest mouse has their song blame is on the tetones -"god i need a scapegoat now" and ive always been in love with scapegoats as a result.
    time seems to be quite an unusual use of the concept and yet it should be the most obvious... if you cant blame anything else you can always blame time... its sposed to be a healer and the absolver of all sins or something...

    the way you play with ideas of knowledge and not knowing anymore... blurring lines of understanding and cohesion... it works for me... it seems i am frequently in this state just now...
    you know when you know something and find out your persopective is completely wrong... thats what this is in some ways though this piece doesnt make it sound half as bad as my experience of it is...

    im rambling...
    way to go agent v!
    | Posted on 2007-05-21 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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