[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: And Now We Disappeardots

    Author: Agent V.
    ASL Info:    23/girl/small town
    Elite Ratio:    7.23 - 38/29/24
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 687
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 716

       An old piece that craves resuscitation.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnd Now We Disappeardots

    And now we disappear
    down the stairway of our minds
    with time as our scapegoat
    we were never ones to decide
    so say goodbye to what you thought you knew
    because that doorway amidst actuality and truth
    is a vantage point youíll never see clearly.

    Together now we wade into oblivion
    maybe then can we smother our differences
    and live under the blanket of the haze
    breathing freely within close circumference
    I never felt more secure
    with you I have everything I didnít know I wanted,
    which was nothing at all.

    Immersed now you can finally see clearly
    the visible spectrum of knowing and departing.

    Submitted on 2007-05-11 17:22:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    ive been trying to comment on this since you first put it up and it hasnt worked just yet...

    lets give it a whirl though.

    i LOVE the title.
    i love it because its also the first line of the piece... kinda old school/e
    cummings way of working.
    but i also love it because i have NO idea what come before it...
    and now we disappear... i KNOW so much has happened for us to get to this point...

    is it magic that we disappear?
    is a good thing?
    are we disappearing to avoid bad things...

    so many questions... i love it.

    i almost want to tell you that you need to get some more punctiation in here but my and punctuation dont get along so i cannot tell you specifically where.

    the only issue i have with this piece is the middle stanza seems a lil confused with tenses.
    you have "maybe then..." which seems to me to speak of a future intention and then right after 'and now we wade...'
    im not sure what im trying to say but something feels awkward in this stanza (i wish i knew something lol)

    but i love time being our scapegoat.
    modest mouse has their song blame is on the tetones -"god i need a scapegoat now" and ive always been in love with scapegoats as a result.
    time seems to be quite an unusual use of the concept and yet it should be the most obvious... if you cant blame anything else you can always blame time... its sposed to be a healer and the absolver of all sins or something...

    the way you play with ideas of knowledge and not knowing anymore... blurring lines of understanding and cohesion... it works for me... it seems i am frequently in this state just now...
    you know when you know something and find out your persopective is completely wrong... thats what this is in some ways though this piece doesnt make it sound half as bad as my experience of it is...

    im rambling...
    way to go agent v!
    | Posted on 2007-05-21 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ¬©‚ĄĘ written by kyserin
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]