The eyes within -------------------------------------------
Beauty can be seen,
in form true and bright,
but not with eyes from without,
but with true insight,
for the beauty of God,
to truly be seen,
we must look within,
and believe He has truly redeemed
I like this. It's simple and clear and yet insigthful...and true for me anyways.
You keep looking in cos you are young but carry lots of wisdom :)
Also on comments about poetry...I am getting tot he conclusion that whatever comes out however raw it is therein lies its truth and beauty...
Love
Kate
xxx
I have always said that I like my poetry to be short and sweet, but this was just a bit to compact for my tastes. There was little description of this "beauty of God" and there were absolutely no comparisons, similes, metaphors, etc. that make poetry more than just a few lines to say what's on your mind.
I agree that you used true and truly too much in such a short poem, and i'd also like to comment on the fact that the word seen ends two seperate lines in an 8 line poem.
I would work on it, explain this "beauty" in a way that the reader can better understand (because there are so many meanings of beauty) and use more concrete, sensory details to give your writing roots in the minds of the average reader that can't just know your thoughts and intentions.
though this is extremely short and simple, i enjoyed reading this. the only little itty bitty nitpick i have is that with this being as short as it is, you use the word "true and truly" a little too much
but now with eyes from without
i'm also not sure if that is suppose to read Now or Not....personally i think Not would seem better, but that's my opinion
Submission Name: The eyes within
