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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Spring of Discontentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Blue Monk
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1556/457/118
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Dark
    Total Views: 1067
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 504



    Description:
       musings within, after a crappy week.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Spring of Discontentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Baggage carried forward
    best left unclaimed,
    a premise to aforethought
    so sticky as to be genetic
    hours dripping by...

    it's morning -
    watch the earth revolve
    the sun evolve
    death to stars

    lost connections never made
    and dry glances
    agents of mortality
    programed self-destruction
    via random generations
    mutants all

    care not, want not
    this tunnel must end somewhere




    Submitted on 2007-05-12 23:13:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The tunnel of disappointment, full of smoke and meaningless noise? (I can remember riding steam trains!) Then clickety clack, the world is back ready or not ...
    | Posted on 2010-07-22 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
       Yes, we beget our sons and daughters and hope the morningside of our teach will take them to heights we never realised, but somewhere and somehow they develope programmed self-destruct since humans do not place too much emphasis upon the wisdom of those who have tasted of life. All for all and end to end it all comes out as planned.
    | Posted on 2008-09-14 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      ....Sticky genetic hours. Wow what an image with deep implications.
    Love the avatar. Hate mornings.
    The sun evolve
    Death to stars. Another wonderful though terrible image.
    Lost connections never made....
    This is so bad it's wonderful!
    Congrats!
    | Posted on 2008-01-25 00:00:00 | by azurwarrior | [ Reply to This ]
      I ENJOYED READING THIS (sorry caps lock).
    I hate mornings and could totally relate to the feeling.
    I used to listen to Howard Stern then only bc he could match my sordid feelings.
    "So sticky as to be genetic." Wow. Some real bad things can be genetic, of course. What a line!
    I also like your avatar. I feel that way in the morning.
    "The sun evolve. Death to stars."
    On the one hand, stars disappear during the day. On the other hand they have a beginning and so will have an end. Like the sun and earth. Perfect morning thoughts IMO.
    "this tunnel must end somewhere."
    I thought of the birth and death tunnels that you hear about, though I don't know if that's what you had in mind?
    Very nice piece.
    | Posted on 2008-01-20 00:00:00 | by azurwarrior | [ Reply to This ]
      Baggage carried forward
    best left unclaimed,
    a premise to aforethought
    so sticky as to be genetic
    hours dripping by...

    It seems to me that the line "a premise to aforethought"
    is a key to why this is so deeply down. Just a thought I had,
    what would the thought be if you could have it?

    it's morning -
    watch the earth revolve
    the sun evolve
    death to stars

    The stars burning out definitely tells of your malaise, so sorry,
    We've all done it but isn't it good to have a way to release
    it back into the stream?

    lost connections never made
    and dry glances
    agents of mortality
    programed self-destruction
    via random generations
    mutants all

    This says so much about how we fail to connect anymore. Why is this, in my own way I reach out even if its just a smile now and then. On any given day that we have something to give, we should give it. What else is important but each other?

    care not, want not
    this tunnel must end somewhere

    And I feel the despair and it was just a lousy week so maybe it's gotten better? You do have a way with words, Monk.

    blessings,

    Nan

    | Posted on 2007-05-18 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      This is indeed a dark piece of poetry.
    Powerfully written, too.
    You've captured the feeling being overwhelmed to the point of nearing drowning.
    When emotions and thoughts are stretched to the limit and become scattered and detatched in their random ways.
    I especially like the middle stanza.
    Usually, the sun is an image of life, and you've emphasised that even the sun will die; the bringer of life to us on earth will one day become our doom.

    I like the way you ended on a hopeful note, too!
    At the very least you can say you are lucky to be in a tunnel rather than a cave.


    Good work, thanks for sharing it.
    | Posted on 2007-05-17 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      well my tunnel is full of flashing reds and blues but i am not sure if thats because i am high or because the cops are right behind me...

    this peice really touched me since i had a bad week last week though i dealt with my pain by drinking it away all weekend, and writting out drinking all week (see my finals week poem) (or don't)...

    I have to disagree with Someones Epiphany in that i like big words that tell whole story by standing alone... i am not one for flowery language and prefer to get to the point as soon as possible so your "big words and thoughts" dont really need anything to hold them together...

    i too hope that your week improves, but at least you got a good poem out of it...

    PEACE and LOVE, gregory
    | Posted on 2007-05-15 00:00:00 | by geherald | [ Reply to This ]
      indeed this tunnel must end somewhere.

    there aint no light in mine yet... no trains or search party flash lights... nothing...

    sigh

    your opening thought reminds me of something i wrote a while back... unclaimed baggage on an airport carosel.
    i also read on a board at a cafe today that the first piece of luggage out on the carosel never seems to belong to anyone.

    anyways...i digress.
    yes... sometimes we have baggage that really doesnt aid our lives any.
    but we dont always take the baggage because we want to but more because we are obliged to... it fits a shape or weighs right or something that causes us to pick it up and call it ours.

    it feels to me that this piece is more of a skeleton than a finished piece.
    i say that because you have some big words and thoughts here but nothing really holding them together.
    im not sure what it is that is lacking but you need some kind of glue and a couple more images that the reader can understand and identify with (or a coupla the ones in here more... connectable)

    but i hope your week gets better.
    there has to be an end to the tunnel sometime soon
    | Posted on 2007-05-15 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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