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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lost the Price, Gain the Pridedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: VivaLaVina
    ASL Info:    20..F..Malaysia
    Elite Ratio:    5.91 - 13/12/9
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 95
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1165



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLost the Price, Gain the Pridedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A fool I've been,
    Lesson I've learnt.
    Losing something precious,
    That I've saved for the one.
    Nothing to be gained,
    Only regret has become numb.

    Confessed my love,
    First kiss I've gained.
    Thought the kisser could feel the same.
    A fool to be had got it wrong.
    Rejection could be the option.
    Instead, he wanted something else.

    Walking on this path alone,
    Danger I'll face along.
    Evil lust has stopped by me,
    And took over my body.
    Having the pleasure of its own,
    Leaving the pain I'll suffer alone.

    At the end I woke up,
    My body has lost the price.
    For the sake of love,
    Lust will take for granted.
    But my soul stayed strong and regained the pride.
    Never will I blind by it ever again.

    Standing on this solid ground,
    Walking steadily and search for the light.
    Only the man who willing to accept my part,
    Will lift me up and bring back my soul.
    Walking through this path,
    I wish not to be alone.




    Submitted on 2007-05-13 04:52:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Is it better to have loved and lost?
    To know greatest joy at highest cost?

    Stay strong, there will be someone
    | Posted on 2007-05-13 00:00:00 | by Ihvaor | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm...the piece seems to gradually fall apart, then pull itself back together, over and over. perhaps its simply dependent on the author, but myself, i do believe a period is the strongest punctuation in poetry, and should therefore be used with the utmost discretion. while your thought continues on itself well, throughout the poem, the attempts to gain patterns and rhyme surely suffocate the potential, and provoke the reader to look elsewhere for an interesting thought. merely my two cents, though...

    -tony
    | Posted on 2007-05-13 00:00:00 | by wonderbread1000 | [ Reply to This ]



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