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    dots Submission Name: addiction (part 1)dots

    Author: poppi
    Elite Ratio:    7.47 - 72/55/37
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 985
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 637

       part one of two parts, tell me what you think and if you think i should post part 2

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsaddiction (part 1)dots

    My blood runs cold
    As the addict within unfolds
    Useless, is your pity
    As i walk the broken bone city
    Fleeting memories of the past
    My heart is beating way to fast
    This melodic sickness
    For which doctors can only guess
    Over indulgence,
    Leaves me behind a bard-wire fence
    Spilt bottle of pills
    Time is what kills
    A misleading story
    Leads to bodies in the quarry
    Dirty veighns
    As suicide reighns
    holding your mind
    Anxiety is left behind
    No nightmares when life's a dream
    Silent voices release a scream

    Submitted on 2007-05-14 10:46:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Consider Revising:
    Rhyming just isn't a good idea in most poetry. It really handcuffs the poem and it can alter the feeling you're trying to convey.

    You were consistent throughout and the emotion of the poem doesn't jump anywhere. So it's proportioned well.

    These subjects are good but I'd like to see what you'd write without rhyming.

    | Posted on 2007-07-14 00:00:00 | by tjsmith5 | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was one of the best writes on addiction I have read
    I myself went through a 5 year addiction to crystal meth and now THANK GOD I am 2 years sober
    You really did an excellent job with this
    I felt like I was back fighting the demons once again that I finally conquered
    I am making this a favorite
    God Bless

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2007-05-16 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
       i luv it!!
    | Posted on 2007-05-14 00:00:00 | by insanegemini | [ Reply to This ]
      I do think you should post part two! This is really good! A few grammar mistakes, but who cares for now? .
    I liked your rhyming because it flowed well.
    Good job!
    | Posted on 2007-05-14 00:00:00 | by Pabapfc | [ Reply to This ]

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