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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Goodnight, sweetheartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Vastmark
    ASL Info:    29/M/U.K
    Elite Ratio:    6.02 - 225/171/26
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Childrens
    Total Views: 1262
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 367



    Description:
       Had a little experiment here, Played with the meter first two lines of the stanzas are 5 foot and the second two lines are 4.

    It sort of speeds up the end of each stanza and I quite like the change in tempo, however feel free to express your feelings one way or the other. Also, I may yet add to this mmmmm decisions, decisions.

    (This was clearly written with my daughter in mind hence the girl part)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGoodnight, sweetheartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The hour is here for you, my darling girl
    To close those eyes and rest your weary head.
    The time has been and gone for play,
    And for the worries of the day.

    Lie back, enjoy the lunars soft embrace
    May all the dreams of heaven permeate.
    Walk now in peace under the moon
    fret not, tomorrow’s coming soon.




    Submitted on 2007-05-16 15:31:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love that you have taken the time to write this for your little beauty :O) I also enjoyed the choice of vocab ('Sweetheart' will likely take after her dad someday eh?).

    Hope you don't possess a 'psychic' sonar - I may just recite this to my little beauties from now on and I don't want to get charged for IP royalties! lol.

    Thanks.

    B
    | Posted on 2008-01-04 00:00:00 | by biska | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really heartwarming. I love the line

    "Lie back and enjoy the lunar embrace"

    i love how you portrayed moonlight in that one line. it was just very beautiful.

    Not much more to say about that...

    Great write,
    Sam
    | Posted on 2007-10-14 00:00:00 | by Falling Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      aww... this is so sweet. it paints an unwritten picture in my head of someone tucking in their kid and singing them lullubies. telling them that they are the most precious thing in the world and knowing it is true. more precious than the woman who made her almost. a piece of you and a piece of your Love. this is what you made. this is what you can do. this is your purpose and you are happy to have finally found it after all of our years of searching. please, continue to write. you are amazing. i have enjoyed this piece very much and i think i may finally fall asleep, myself in a momnet. thank you for your work... and good night.














    tina
    | Posted on 2007-06-08 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I am a daddy's girl myself and this piece reminded me of my father. its a very sweet and well written work. at first i read your description..the note on rhythm at first i did not notice the increase of tempo at the end of each stanza. yet after i read it i realized you had ome how managed to create this effect making is seem so unforced and like natural speech. very impressive and great job.

    good luck and best wishes,

    ashley
    | Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      Aw, that was really sweet. Most enjoyable, and I thought yes, the metre here really works well, and the ends of the stanzas were speeded up, but not dramatically so, which added just that little extra something that makes the words roll pleasantly off the tongue.

    Very nice :)

    Cheers and God bless,

    ~Mandi~
    | Posted on 2007-05-23 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was a sweet piece. It sounded, to me, to be straight from the heart of a caring father as he tucks his baby girl in for the night. As far as your play with meter, I don't really have a comment one way or the other. I do find myself unable to break away from the traditional when I write poetry. I'm hoping this workshop will broaden my spectrum on that subject. Props and kudos to you for tackling that challenge. All in all, I liked the composition and the calming feeling it left me with.

    -Psycho therapist
    | Posted on 2007-05-16 00:00:00 | by psychotherapist | [ Reply to This ]
      yes...I really liked this,it is deep in meaning and could be seen as metaphor but I would prefer to see it as almost a parents lullaby for a child to fall asleep too.

    In this sense the poem is brilliant,the words are so soft,and whilst there is some rhyming,it is...in-obtrusive...this is an excellent piece I think(genuinely) and:

    "Had a little experiment here, Played with the meter first two lines of the stanzas are 5 foot and the second two lines are 4."

    whilst I don't quite understand what you mean here in your description(call it me being un-educated properly in the "rules" of poetry as well as I should be) I think it reads very well.

    I spoke it aloud just to make sure.

    so great piece,good lullaby,and goodnight lol.

    -Raphael
    | Posted on 2007-05-16 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]


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