Description: Had a little experiment here, Played with the meter first two lines of the stanzas are 5 foot and the second two lines are 4.
It sort of speeds up the end of each stanza and I quite like the change in tempo, however feel free to express your feelings one way or the other. Also, I may yet add to this mmmmm decisions, decisions.
(This was clearly written with my daughter in mind hence the girl part)
aww... this is so sweet. it paints an unwritten picture in my head of someone tucking in their kid and singing them lullubies. telling them that they are the most precious thing in the world and knowing it is true. more precious than the woman who made her almost. a piece of you and a piece of your Love. this is what you made. this is what you can do. this is your purpose and you are happy to have finally found it after all of our years of searching. please, continue to write. you are amazing. i have enjoyed this piece very much and i think i may finally fall asleep, myself in a momnet. thank you for your work... and good night.
I am a daddy's girl myself and this piece reminded me of my father. its a very sweet and well written work. at first i read your description..the note on rhythm at first i did not notice the increase of tempo at the end of each stanza. yet after i read it i realized you had ome how managed to create this effect making is seem so unforced and like natural speech. very impressive and great job.
Aw, that was really sweet. Most enjoyable, and I thought yes, the metre here really works well, and the ends of the stanzas were speeded up, but not dramatically so, which added just that little extra something that makes the words roll pleasantly off the tongue.
I thought this was a sweet piece. It sounded, to me, to be straight from the heart of a caring father as he tucks his baby girl in for the night. As far as your play with meter, I don't really have a comment one way or the other. I do find myself unable to break away from the traditional when I write poetry. I'm hoping this workshop will broaden my spectrum on that subject. Props and kudos to you for tackling that challenge. All in all, I liked the composition and the calming feeling it left me with.