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    dots Submission Name: Grim's Death Enginedots

    Author: DaGrimReaperess
    Elite Ratio:    0.37 - 488/199/15
    Words: 37
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 2445
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 325


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGrim's Death Enginedots

    Chug-a Chug-a Choo Choo
    Grim's Death Engine
    is a-coming for you

    Monsterous Beliefs
    we drink you, thirsty
    soulless, always a-haunting
    This train for thoughts
    never-ending, nonstop
    drifting within me.

    Chug-a Chug-a Choo Choo...

    Submitted on 2007-05-16 20:17:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Don't know if you've ever read Stephen Kings Dark Tower series, but this reminded me of Blaine the deranged monorail train. So needless to say, I enjoyed it very much.

    *thought* Death is coming for me every second of every day....and every second of every day, I'm thinking about him. Doesn't seem fair.

    | Posted on 2011-06-03 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow different is definetly the word i wll use. I love the use of onomatopoeia. It really goes well with this poem. I esp. like the 1st stanza

    "Chug-a Chug-a Choo Choo
    Grim's Death Engine
    is a-coming for you"

    I do like wut ur saying later in the poem, and i understand it. But the flow is a bit awkward, it could use some sprucing but other than that, you have some great potential my friend.

    | Posted on 2009-03-04 00:00:00 | by WhY-dO-yOu-CrY | [ Reply to This ]
      Whoa...that's cool...like seriously
    | Posted on 2009-01-26 00:00:00 | by TheShepard | [ Reply to This ]
      LoL. love this one. I can't believe I never read this before.
    | Posted on 2008-05-22 00:00:00 | by scarz | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm sitting here chuckling and cackling at Grim's Death Engine, so it must be a good poem!

    I got an image of this queue of passengers on Grim's Train all lined up waiting at the water cooler for a drink. Is that bad or good?? Anyway it made me laugh again.

    Do they need drinks of monsterous belief to get a soul? This is making me think, and I like funny stuff that makes me think, so it must be a good poem!

    There is some unorthodox spelling, which I'll tell you in case it is not intentional:

    Monsterous ... monstrous
    Comming ... coming
    souless ... soulless

    But I reckon 'monsterous' is a good word anyway!

    Mixed metaphors: the train being a drink seems to work fine! Although I dunno why. But in the last line I had trouble with "drifting". Then I suddenly realized that the train is haunted, and if so, then you could be the train yourself. Then I went: "AAgh! Da Grim Reaperess is comming for me!" Time to get off the line
    | Posted on 2008-02-05 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Loved it. It was light about a dark subject. Thought that that was cool. Great job.
    | Posted on 2007-12-30 00:00:00 | by Draumrkopa | [ Reply to This ]
      Actually, I think this is pretty strong.

    In Tori Amos' intro for Neil Gaiman's graphic novel "Death: The High Cost of Living," she said, "Death told her" that there is a part of Death in everyone. And I think that that's true and ever so necessary considering that we are here to live.

    Without Death, or the notion that we "mere mortals" can die, we would not try to progress, we would remain stagnant because the absence of an end will dissuade us from trying to squeeze everything that we can out of life. And that will make our existance a perfect waste of time.

    Death and other similar concepts bring out the best and the worst of us. It makes us beautiful and everything around us beautiful.

    I think that the light-heartedness of your piece is what makes it powerful. You give a different perspective on the notion of having an end to something. It is oddly playful and it makes you really have this strong sense of acceptance for the order of things without being too preachy or mellow-dramatic. The elements of childishness also add up to this eerie yet completely edible bit of literary prowess.

    Good job.

    (And this site will not die if we anything to say about it.)
    | Posted on 2007-12-11 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      This trains a coming(smile)
    You brought death to our front door...
    I like this poem and it made me think of a few songs. Great write!
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2007-11-20 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the train metaphor here. Sometimes it seems like our demons are our own personal train wreck inside our minds, but somehow they just keep on going (kind of like that annoying energizer bunny).
    It may just be me, but this kind of has a jazzy feel to it, with the "a-haunting" and "a-coming". I can't really think of anything that needs emprovement, so I think I'll wrap this up with saying, good one.

    | Posted on 2007-11-06 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      dude i can totally relate, u dont know where they cum from & if u acted upon them life wud be much different.
    | Posted on 2007-10-21 00:00:00 | by geekyslacker | [ Reply to This ]
      Well now, this gave me a giggle. It's nice to read stuff that isn't serious, and this definitely isn't serious lol. Reminds me of old Addam's Family episodes, what with (I forget his name) the dad's fascination with them...

    Um, yeah... not sure what else to say...

    Chugga chugga moo moo.
    | Posted on 2007-09-24 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      I dont know how you get so many comments, but this is a good poem
    | Posted on 2007-09-22 00:00:00 | by MC white | [ Reply to This ]
      Or even a chain OF thoughts... ha!
    | Posted on 2007-09-20 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, Grim!! It's been a yore since I read ur poems! This one's good! Keep it up!

    | Posted on 2007-07-20 00:00:00 | by D-Ink | [ Reply to This ]
      I have read all your posts and I can honestly say that you have potential. I think you need a bit more organization on some, but this one is perfect. Love it.
    | Posted on 2007-06-30 00:00:00 | by Vampiric Death | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again you bring your own unique style to the table Aakifa. I'm impressed. Emo's your main target for this train?
    | Posted on 2007-06-15 00:00:00 | by insphered soul | [ Reply to This ]
      Boo hoo Boo hoo
    Death is over rated
    | Posted on 2007-06-04 00:00:00 | by Ur.Poems.Suck | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this poem is excellent! Cos I understand it - it talks about an inner experience that I never put into words enough to share. That must be good poetry!

    Check spelling.
    | Posted on 2007-05-25 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      i love it. its interesting and because of the first and last lines being the same it flows well.

    | Posted on 2007-05-23 00:00:00 | by flyfire | [ Reply to This ]
       *Warning this review was written while under the inlfuence of MArIJuaNa*
    Damn! You're shyt always so short! Always want more!!! I've read everything you've posted, time and time again! I guess you just need to write more! That's the only thing you can do better. "Chug-a Chug-a Choo Choo..." Wicked!
    | Posted on 2007-05-22 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      sweeeeeeeeeet yo, good job chooo choooo!!!!!!
    | Posted on 2007-05-17 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
      The concept of this is very interesting, and you have crafted this with much skill....well done.

    | Posted on 2007-05-17 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Did Uthmaan seriously write that down there? Isn't he like mothafkin 11? Jeez.

    Go to MFin school, grim. you're too brilliant to waste away, damn you.

    My god, I love this. & i'm not just saying that either. All I read these days is [censored]tyass poetry.
    This hit the spot.


    | Posted on 2007-05-17 00:00:00 | by GiveMeTheGun | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is interesting. Good luck with your inner demons.
    | Posted on 2007-05-16 00:00:00 | by Uthmaan | [ Reply to This ]

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