[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Fallingdots

    Author: Toadslayer
    ASL Info:    35/Female/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.08 - 32/38/15
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1341
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 611

       I tried to think of a way to rewrite this without using the word "I", but my brain froze. Any suggestions?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    When I look into your eyes
    I let go and fall into
    A thousand sleepy mornings
    And a thousand restless nights.

    I am breathless anticipating
    The warmth of your eyes' embrace.
    No cold wind to bring me
    Back to the moments sitting

    Where these thoughts of mine reflect
    Against the window of your soul.
    Like a beacon in the night,
    What do you look for?

    The space across our coffee table,
    Fingertips, that will not touch.
    My words a haunting melody,
    As I freefall in your love.

    Submitted on 2004-06-14 15:03:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is really pretty and nice. I like it a lot. I didn't find it shaky, but I've never been one to scan or anything like that.
    | Posted on 2004-06-15 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this one, even though the flow seemed kind of shaky. It might just be me though, so don't take it harshly. I liked the imagery and the 'freefall in your love' part. Great job overall.
    | Posted on 2004-06-14 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]