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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Northern Stardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EmpathicAya
    ASL Info:    13+8/unMale/Your Mind
    Elite Ratio:    7.31 - 700/456/109
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1216
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 579



    Description:
       I fell posessed lately when I write. I have a thought of where I want to start, but when I finish and I read it, I think... "What?"
    I think my subconcious is trying to tell me something. This started with my fear of growing up and going to college, though.

    PS: Thanks for the title, Alia.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNorthern Stardots
    -------------------------------------------


    The pitter patter of you tip-
    toeing around me arouses
    an old insecurity.

    Shatterable, breakable,
    see through

    piece of glass.

    The train whistles forward, warning
    it's destination.

    I can't see the future, Ms. Claire
    Voyance, I don't need
    knowledge. My spirit
    hums and vibrates its own
    song.

    I just want Time to wrap her
    arms around me and tell me

    It's gonna be ok.




    Submitted on 2007-05-17 17:11:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This prayer is everyone's. Well, I read a book about mystical experiences, which mentioned a big survey by an English sociologist. The survey showed that most people who become conscious of this prayer (put it into words or fix it in their minds) eventually receive an answer in the form of some symbolic event or moment of feeling; and this answer is the reassurance.

    I had a moment of happiness once - it just happened out of nowhere, quite indescribable. Well, I only ever felt that way that once, but will always remember it. It doesn't make life any worse or better. Just something for the feelings, I suppose.

    I don't believe in any gods, but I believe in prayer because we can find out about it from experience! I reckon a lot of poems are prayers ... maybe it would be a great challenge to make a poem that was not a prayer!!

    I think you are good at this kind of verse. My only comment is that I learned something from this poem: "I don't need/knowledge" - that run-on line or "enjambement" does something with "knowledge" and "my spirit" that I can't quite describe but I really must try it!!

    The verse composition is beautiful. I'm old-fashioned and like beautifully made stuff the best. It means you are probably following a beautiful path because of something in you - and so you are going to have a rotten time dodging uglies, because you too sensitive to that. But Time will tell, and I guess what it will tell you, but that would be clair/voyance!

    Pitterpattering off now.
    | Posted on 2009-02-20 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      "I just want Time to wrap her
    arms around me and tell me

    It's gonna be ok."

    Oh god that's lovely. You know, when I look back I often wish I could go back in time, wrap my arms around my younger self and say just that. No need to specify what the future will bring, just that you will survive it. That image is resonating quite strongly within me now.

    I must admit I don't know who the 'you' in the first line refers to, but I understand the feeling of anxiety coming through in that verse.

    "My spirit
    hums and vibrates it's* own
    song."

    *should be its.

    Hope time was right and it all turned out ok in the end.

    T x
    | Posted on 2007-07-02 00:00:00 | by tulip | [ Reply to This ]
      What I've found out is that we're always ready when an experience happens.

    I like your personification of time here, wrapping her arms
    around you, that is so true and a great image. And you have every
    bright song for your spirit to sing.

    Let that be your anthem to the Goddess that doesn't end.

    love you,

    Nan

    | Posted on 2007-05-31 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I was talking to Time & she said she doesn't have any arms sorry but anyway it's all going to be OK. Now I realize that was a message for you. So what about me then? Dangit.
    | Posted on 2007-05-20 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      first of all, in order for someone to take your piece of poetry seriously, you need to make your description portion (i the first words someone reads when they click on your poetry) grammatically correct, much less properly spellchecked. your poem itself, while colorful and dramatic, seemed spread far too thin, and without enough real reference to anything to distinguish relatable meaning. i dont mean to knock your writing, just that it didnt match me so well. but thats fine, we all write differently. so much of what people seem to write on elite is commented on without clarity. its not supposed to be something i like or they like, but rather, what you like to write, what interests you. so please, dont take this the wrong way, i just didnt seem to agree so much with what you put to paper here, perhaps even moreso the format and professionalism. hope to read more from you, however, seeing as your vocabulary is quite extensive (a limitlessness).

    -tony
    | Posted on 2007-05-17 00:00:00 | by wonderbread1000 | [ Reply to This ]
      I woldn't fret it too much if I were you, the growing up and going to college bit anyhow. It's not really that different than Highschool except that you get to make your own scheduel durring almost all hours of the day. As to possession, it's possible, though I don't know that is it. I personally get caught up in writing and lose track of time and sometimes even what I've written. Those times tend to be my best works.

    As to the piece itself, I enjoyed it. It seems jumbled and unsure, but I think that, for this one it works since that is, at least from my view, what it's about. I find that this is a sudden understanding piece, in that, it conveys a feeling first off, but trying to break it down sort of strips it of that meaning.

    The only thing I didn't like about it was the words "and vibrates" this is redundant, as humming is a form of vibration. one other thing I don't get, how does Clairvoyance have anything to do with the future? that's precognition, though I suppose that Clair Voyance is a better name than Pre Cognition...

    I'm not time, though I'm pretty sure that everything will prove to be OK. Sorry I don't have too much useful to say on this one though.

    Salaam.
    | Posted on 2007-05-17 00:00:00 | by Rastine Aristat | [ Reply to This ]


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