[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: I Wonderdots

    Author: Persephone
    ASL Info:    19/f/ US
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 328/352/136
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 782
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 905

       Ooh randomosity. This is something that's hard to explain, but I've been reading some things, and thinking about it compared to my life...and this is really what came about. Scars on face...yeah...it's more literal than anything else I've probably ever written. (Oh, I coach gymnastics, so that's what it's mainly about!)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Wonderdots

    I wonder what I did wrong to deserve these marks.
    But I'm afraid to know the answer.
    I wonder how many times little kids have gone home to ask their parents what they were.
    But I know their parents can't explain.
    I wonder if they even know the meaning of the word scar,
    But in their young minds, they couldn't.
    I wonder how many times they've raked their fingers over their faces to create the same red marks that are on mine.
    But I know their's won't ever stay.
    I wonder if they are afraid of them, these lines.
    But I already know they are.
    I wonder if any of them really understand what they are.
    But I know they couldn't possibly.
    I wonder if they'll ever fade.
    but I already know the answer.
    I wonder if people will stop staring
    But I know they won't.

    Submitted on 2007-05-18 22:15:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, I really like this piece. I think it's pretty powerful and amazing. I really feel for this girl, whoever she is. I think that everyone can sympathize with feeling like they have something wrong with them that everyone sees, even if it is less obvious than a scar. Actually, this reminds me of Emily in New Moon and the way that she must feel (random observation).
    | Posted on 2007-08-18 00:00:00 | by jennah | [ Reply to This ]
      I was drawn to the repeating for of the lines begining.

    I wonder if you could tighen up the lines a bit to make that beining pattern more clear.

    I wonder how many times little kids have gone home to ask their parents what they were.

    I wonder how many little kids have asked their parents what they were.

    I wonder if they even know the meaning of the word scar

    I wonder if they know the meaning of the word scar

    Just thoughts.

    I enjoyed this

    | Posted on 2007-05-20 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      Metaphorically, this piece about self-image really points out the self-conscience thought process one will go through when being perceived as "different." The writer hints at a secret that cannot be completely hidden. The scars show on the outside but no one, except the writer, knows the cause.

    It is the speculation about those who see the scars, which makes this write most interesting. It gives the write a very real sense of feeling awkward and out-of-place; being wounded with no hope of acceptance; the sense of always being seen first for the scars and not for oneself.

    Well done.
    | Posted on 2007-05-20 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      well im still trying to make sense of it all
    *although I write a LOT of thing that barely make sense at all*

    I didnt quite understand "I wonder how many times little kids have gone home to ask their parents what they were."

    what they were,

    well it sounds intriguing when I read it
    so I guess its ok ;)

    read the poem out loud, its the probably the best thing you can do to make sure its good
    | Posted on 2007-05-19 00:00:00 | by mjstrees | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Dream written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Records I written by Raphael
    Love written by saartha
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Carry written by saartha
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]