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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Wonderdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Persephone
    ASL Info:    19/f/ US
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 328/352/136
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 830
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 905



    Description:
       Ooh randomosity. This is something that's hard to explain, but I've been reading some things, and thinking about it compared to my life...and this is really what came about. Scars on face...yeah...it's more literal than anything else I've probably ever written. (Oh, I coach gymnastics, so that's what it's mainly about!)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Wonderdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wonder what I did wrong to deserve these marks.
    But I'm afraid to know the answer.
    I wonder how many times little kids have gone home to ask their parents what they were.
    But I know their parents can't explain.
    I wonder if they even know the meaning of the word scar,
    But in their young minds, they couldn't.
    I wonder how many times they've raked their fingers over their faces to create the same red marks that are on mine.
    But I know their's won't ever stay.
    I wonder if they are afraid of them, these lines.
    But I already know they are.
    I wonder if any of them really understand what they are.
    But I know they couldn't possibly.
    I wonder if they'll ever fade.
    but I already know the answer.
    I wonder if people will stop staring
    But I know they won't.




    Submitted on 2007-05-18 22:15:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, I really like this piece. I think it's pretty powerful and amazing. I really feel for this girl, whoever she is. I think that everyone can sympathize with feeling like they have something wrong with them that everyone sees, even if it is less obvious than a scar. Actually, this reminds me of Emily in New Moon and the way that she must feel (random observation).
    | Posted on 2007-08-18 00:00:00 | by jennah | [ Reply to This ]
      I was drawn to the repeating for of the lines begining.

    I wonder if you could tighen up the lines a bit to make that beining pattern more clear.

    Like:
    I wonder how many times little kids have gone home to ask their parents what they were.

    I wonder how many little kids have asked their parents what they were.

    or
    I wonder if they even know the meaning of the word scar

    I wonder if they know the meaning of the word scar


    Just thoughts.

    I enjoyed this

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2007-05-20 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      Metaphorically, this piece about self-image really points out the self-conscience thought process one will go through when being perceived as "different." The writer hints at a secret that cannot be completely hidden. The scars show on the outside but no one, except the writer, knows the cause.

    It is the speculation about those who see the scars, which makes this write most interesting. It gives the write a very real sense of feeling awkward and out-of-place; being wounded with no hope of acceptance; the sense of always being seen first for the scars and not for oneself.

    Well done.
    | Posted on 2007-05-20 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      well im still trying to make sense of it all
    *although I write a LOT of thing that barely make sense at all*

    I didnt quite understand "I wonder how many times little kids have gone home to ask their parents what they were."

    what they were,

    well it sounds intriguing when I read it
    so I guess its ok ;)

    read the poem out loud, its the probably the best thing you can do to make sure its good
    | Posted on 2007-05-19 00:00:00 | by mjstrees | [ Reply to This ]


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