[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Pluto's Predicamentdots

    Author: fiery whisper
    ASL Info:    21/F/Bangladesh
    Elite Ratio:    5.13 - 51/49/33
    Words: 396
    Class/Type: Prose/Serious
    Total Views: 1944
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2152


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPluto's Predicamentdots

    The moon and I, we danced for a while. Silence matched our steps, smoke sang to us - two rocks suspended in space, slow steps upon blankness as stars floated away. Maybe it was pretty, I wouldn't know. I was too entranced by the moon. Spots adn ditches beheld me. After a while, we stopped. Somewhere out there, I heard a sigh. It was not the moon.

    I didn't realise we were dancing, until our steps fell gaily upon the blackness. Thick darkness encompassed our being, both in existence and in mind. I was complaining, the world had not been fair. The moon merely nodded, calm indifference emanating for that grey orb. I was lost, I said, I didn't exist at all. The moon, quiet and unperturbed, looked as though it had wandered off. All I needed was an ear, a company and the moon, there or not, did fine.

    I had been spending time, moping, in the far corner of the world. Ever since the girl had gone, that is all I did. Not that there was anyone to take notice, but what else can a lonely ex-planet do? Even the moon paid no attenion, no messages with the shooting stars, no news from the meteorites. Until I got tired. If the moon had forgotten me for some six billion existances who took away my identity, then I would go and visit it. Cause wreckage upon those six billion. Planetary restrictions no longer held - I was not one any more.

    The moon appeared happily surprised when I showed up. Lasted a couple of minutes. All my anger melted, could have been the heat of the sun. I found myself welling up at the thought of company. But then I launched into a tirade. A short one. Where was the moon all this while? Why had I been forgotten by another rock?

    I don't quite remember what came next. But we were dancing. How sweet it felt, melody streaming along with senses. The moon was my favourite rock, I said. The moon almost laughed. Out of the dense darkness, I suddenly asked, Do you like me less now, since I am no longer a planet?

    The moon said nothing. Just a sigh.

    All along my journey home, I wondered if that was a yes or a no.

    Submitted on 2007-05-19 12:53:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Full marks for originality....a planet's lament, in the first person too!
    For if we could hear the thoughts of Pluto, maybe they would sound like this, bereft and ostracised.
    Then again, Pluto might be spinning with joy, free of responsibility and celestial hierarchy, like the overworked, underpaid executive whose heart thunders with adrenalin and freedom after handing in a resignation....

    None of us know. This could be true...

    My suggestions: your descriptions are intense and distracted me from the theme. A lot of it is unnecessary, perhaps paring down the adjectives and revising the language could help concentration.

    Now, I'm off to get the gossip from Ganymede...
    | Posted on 2007-05-19 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]