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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: at the edge of the worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mjstrees
    ASL Info:    18/M/Ocean City MD
    Elite Ratio:    7.01 - 34/10/10
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 709
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 758



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsat the edge of the worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    smooth
    like the ice on her pale skin
    like a warm breeze
    wandering through the palm trees
    like silk
    like a river raging
    our thoughts gently floating alongside us
    faces etched into red rock
    as we cascaded
    down the rapids and
    blockades of tree branches

    life was never as vivid
    and as powerful
    as it was in just this moment
    I realised why the world was
    so beautiful and grand
    something so
    perfect
    and we kissed as
    fell into each others embrace
    at that very moment
    time stood still
    like the end for us
    would never come
    and somehow
    I don't think it ever will





    Submitted on 2007-05-19 13:35:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      but, who? who did you kiss? and why, seeing as the latter half of this piece has been labeled as the "demise"? this piece of poetry surely examines the delicate surface of poetry, and the importance to dedicatedly describe something, or someone, but your ending tends to confuse, more than elate. your first bit of lines, though, so perfect, i was able to picture the setting, the feeling, perfectly. well done. i only wish your conclusion had been done as such, what a decent piece of writing this would be. anyways, i just wanted to let you know what i thought, im not trying to take anything down a notch, or requesting you to change your writing, perhaps this is all more of a question...about, why? take care...

    -tony
    | Posted on 2007-05-19 00:00:00 | by wonderbread1000 | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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