Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Crazy


Author: PiperH
ASL Info:    17, F, Georgia
Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 253 /299 /172
Words: 287
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1211
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1007



Description:


Okay, I've already submitted this poem to another site, so I don't know who's already seen it or not. There's a lot of people on the internet. I just wanted to make sure that no one thinks I've copied this from somewhere. Anyways, it's on Quizzilla, and my user name there is Bambi4.
So, umm, yeah, I just wanted to tell you that.


Crazy



I sit on the edge of sanity
Feet dangling
A smile forming.......

Those blue skies turn white
Rain clouds are pink

.....I paint the birds with my fingers tips......

Purple rain falls to my skin
Washing away the black within
Nothing but white
nothing but white

An Insane
unexplained
and frightened me
Slips off the edge of sanity
I see clearly the ground below

Faster then raindrops
But.....slower...... then....... time
Nothing but white
nothing but white

Through the ground
I fall forever
The hole of emptiness and delusion

I stay forever lost
Forever trapped
My world of loneliness and seclusion




Submitted on 2007-05-20 13:18:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  you know what darls.
this has the potential to be something so fun even though it is a very somber write.

youve called this piece crazy and i think you could play on that title with the way you present the piece.
i really think if you went for a more minimalist approach here your point would be nailed down more firmly.

lemme show you what i mean:


sittin on the edge of sanity
feet dangling
     smile forming
blue skies turn white
Rain clouds pink
I paint the birds with my fingers tips

Purple rain falls
Washing the black within
Nothing but white,
     nothing but white

Insane,
   unexplained,
      frightened
sliping from sanity's edge
seeing clearly the ground below
Faster than raindrops
     slower than time
Nothing but white, nothing but white


I fall forever
into holes of emptiness,
delusion
forever lost,
trapped
in loneliness
and seclusion

just an idea. a different way of presenting the exact same ideas.
ive read a lot of your stuff and we both know how much you like to stick to some kind of structure and so seeing other ways of writing the same thing can be hard which is why i showed you what i see when i read this... you dont have to do anything with it.

i really like your repetition of 'nothing but white nothing but white' throughout the piece. i think that brings in a kind of... desperation... but not a bad desperation. kinda crazy, obsessive longing for the bad parts to be gone and only the good to remain. a kind of cleansing whether its physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or all of the above.

i like seeing you work through your ideas. stay open to exploring and experimenting doll. youre gonna be kickarse one day!


| Posted on 2007-05-20 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



142985