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    dots Submission Name: I'll Hold Your Lovedots

    Author: Maskannai
    ASL Info:    28/Female/Utah
    Elite Ratio:    4.94 - 214/184/78
    Words: 220
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 873
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1369

       The lyrics of a song I wrote for my boyfriend, who is my love and my life

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI'll Hold Your Lovedots

    So small this heart of mine,
    but you filled it up anyhow
    My love was never worth a dime
    till you came in my life;

    I walked alone in the dark
    my soul afraid of shadows,
    till suddenly I could see the light
    of your love burning brightly;

    And I said "Baby, I love you"
    "Baby, I need you"
    your love has brought me so far
    from where I used to be,
    and in my hands I'll hold your love
    till your love sets me free;

    Your smiling eyes, your warm caress
    your silky subtle kisses
    have brought me hope, have brought me life
    a dream come true I never knew;

    And I said "Baby, I love you"
    "Baby, I need you"
    your love has brought me so far
    from where I used to be
    and in my hands I'll hold your love
    till your love sets me free;

    Before, this road of love and life
    was long and weary travel,
    until this road brought me to you
    and love, I found, could be renewed;

    And I said "Baby, I love you"
    "Baby, I need you"
    your love has brought me so far
    from where I used to be
    and in my hands I'll hold your love
    now your love has set me free

    Submitted on 2007-05-20 16:50:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think your last verse quatrain beginning with "Before" should be the first verse used as an introduction since it portrays lonliness and despair. Otherwise it is a great salutation of thanks for your beloved to have filled your longings with sheer happiness. At present I haven't learned to navigate in Eliteskills to other poets pages unless they comment on my writings. if you know of a way to do so let me know.
    | Posted on 2008-09-07 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      this is good! the whole piece flows very well. i only have one suggestion; the verses seemed a bit short and... underdeveloped maybe... they left me wanting more, like they scratched the surface but didnt get in that deep. they were very good though. i enjoyed this piece alot! thanks for the read.
    Mikey X
    | Posted on 2007-05-26 00:00:00 | by Shadia Dark | [ Reply to This ]
      I would love to hear the music that goes with these lyrics! I can only imagine how the melody would carry the emotions the lyrics convey. I like the rhyming structure. Like the first comment says, it doesn't feel forced or hokey in any way. As a songwriter myself, I know how hard it can be to write a "love song" without it coming out corny...lol. This is a great piece. I will definitely stop by to read more of your submissions! Thanks for sharing this.

    | Posted on 2007-05-21 00:00:00 | by Wired | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this! I didn't see that this was lyrics when I first read it, but still I finished it thinking that this would make a great song....And the lines are not forced like so many lyrics out there now. You rhyme, but its not opressive or holding you down in any way. This is sweet and the line "my soul afraid of shadows" is beatiful! I write music too, and I definately think that these words will go far.
    | Posted on 2007-05-20 00:00:00 | by snortis | [ Reply to This ]

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