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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 5-4-3-2-1dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Wired
    Elite Ratio:    7.76 - 21/11/16
    Words: 23
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Comedy
    Total Views: 693
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 254



    Description:
       Yeah.... I don't know...lol.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots5-4-3-2-1dots
    -------------------------------------------


    High.
    Why?
    Lie,
    Lie,
    Lie.

    Deny.
    Cry.
    Reply?
    Goodbye.

    F.Y.I.
    die...
    Try!

    Supply...
    dry.

    Sigh.







    Submitted on 2007-05-21 03:49:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ok, so, I donít hate it like the other person. I think maybe I understand why itís supposed to be humorous thoughÖ the person wants to try and kill them self and doesnít have anything left to do it with right? When I read this I picture someone acting out each word as itís said for some reason. I donít know I can just picture it as a good dramatic reading, as where Iím not sure it translates on plain paper as well. It made me giggle at the end anyway. I do appreciate the attempted style. The constraints you gave yourself seem very limiting and I think you did well with them. I havenít read any of your other stuff, but you might want to try and expand on the death with humor thing is another piece.
    Best,
    ~Fae
    | Posted on 2007-05-22 00:00:00 | by folletti | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, well, I like it, no matter what your first reviewer says.

    In my mind, poetry should be thought about and looked deeper into than what it may originally appear to mean. This could have so many meanings, that's probably why I like the simplicity of it.

    Don't be discouraged. :P I think it's cool!
    | Posted on 2007-05-21 00:00:00 | by Darkess | [ Reply to This ]
      the connection between the title and the number of lines per stanza

    first stanza 5 line
    second 4
    third 3
    fourth 2
    fifth 1

    is about the only thing this piece has going for it i think.

    i like that the last word/stanza/idea is sigh.

    personally i think you need to put more into this. this is just a list of words right now and doesnt really do anything.

    and all the talk of death sounds angsty and emo.

    this does nothing for me.
    | Posted on 2007-05-21 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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