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    dots Submission Name: Just another battlegrounddots

    Author: nomad knight
    Elite Ratio:    6.66 - 110/75/41
    Words: 273
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 926
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1749

       I wrote this in a note book a little while ago and have now finally typed it up. Comments, suggestions, and thoughts welcome.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJust another battlegrounddots

    I have gazed upon the burning fields of war
    Through flames of hate and explosions of rage
    I have crawled and run with gun in hand
    on the blistered and charred earth below me

    I have starred across barren frozen land
    With my breathís warm mist blowing on numbed hands
    Iíve watched with vigilance from a fox hole
    enemies expecting a surrender

    With a knife Iíve pried shrapnel from my flesh
    biting down hard to take the burning pain
    The old scars donít hurt so much anymore
    though the aching pain returns with the rain

    After so long a time in that stark place
    with only letters from a distant home
    the home in my memory seemed a dream
    A peaceful place of idle fantasy

    So when I was told I was going home
    not back to the familiar trenches
    but to that half forgotten memory
    my joy overshadowed the doubts I had

    At night, a return with celebration
    but the morning unveils reality
    for the sights and sounds are familiar
    no time is needed to recognize them

    cracks and rattles: rifles and machine guns
    the thumps of indiscriminant mortars
    circling shapes of the carrion birds
    the exhaust of war in columns of smoke

    Former friends now fight against each other
    my dreamed home shattered by civil war
    tracers burrow in the dirt around my feet
    shot from barrels aimed by those I once held dear

    I take comfort for war is what I know
    this veteran fighting against the world
    knows peace and safety is an illusion
    my home is just another battleground

    Submitted on 2007-05-21 03:57:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the line,"A peaceful place of fantasy." Yes that is the branding iron that separates the front line of battle from the loss of sanity.
    There is quite a shock greeting on return home to find that the war one returns from in seek of freedom is reenacted on the doorsteps of home.
    This tells me that one has to be ever vigilant in order to preserve that peaceful place of fantasy.
    I like the way you have broken prose into quatrains so the reader can reminesce .
    | Posted on 2007-09-23 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      im not sure what to think of this piece. i dont know where your country is or which country you are referring to here. i dont know.

    however i have just finished reading a book called Afghanistan - Where God Only Comes To Weep and it was the most amazingly written book ive read. the story was also very captivating and i could tell it to be real. in the book it spoke of those who went to fight in the mountains against the invading russians and then later on in the book how various sects of this mountain home front started fighting each other... brother against brother... father against son. thats what this piece made me think of.

    now normally i detest 4 line stanza pieces. i really do. i find it to be some kind of cheap magic formula that does poetry no justice. but i almost think you have used it for your benefit here. i really do.

    i think its sad the jaded tone of the narrative voice... just another battle ground... thats no way to live.. thats not what existance should be...

    i think you get a lil off track toward the end somehow. i cannot work out how but it just doesnt seem as crisp and the meter doesnt flow as well as the start.

    but this is well done.
    | Posted on 2007-05-21 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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