Hmm this is a nice dedication but i think as a poem it could use some improvement. Firstly, I thought the rhyming scene was off and maybe you'd do a better job with free verse. I also felt that there was glitch with the last line, I think it has too many syllables perhaps. I noticed two words which were placed one after the other which didn't really rhyme "real" and "field." I think if you've put a rhyme pattern then you should follow it without any exceptions so unless you pronounce real like reel, that part could use some improvement. Overall, this was a nice tribute. If you need any suggestions on how to improve this then let me know. Thanks for sharing.