[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Intimate Lovedots

    Author: Specdro
    ASL Info:    28/Of Course/NY
    Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 21/53/38
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 918
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 747


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIntimate Lovedots

    Longing for a women's embrace
    We stand together face to face
    Open lips we lean, we kiss
    Reality drifts into heavenly bliss

    In the heat facts fade to fiction
    As body's move in an intimate friction
    As the passion grows faces are skewed
    Together with rhythm we move in the nude

    Flat on our backs after we finished the act
    Smiling and cuddling, still in the sack
    You slide your hand into the comfort of mine
    I look into your eyes, so soft and kind

    When did I know, what was my first clue?
    I was never falling in love with you.
    I think this as I take in your sweet smell
    When I met you I had already fell

    Submitted on 2007-05-21 17:58:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I liked it but your slang and blunter descriptions made the passion feel less genuine like "in the nude" and "in the sack". The ending is strong and surprising because I was expecting after the first two lines of the last quatrain that the speaker never really loved her, it was just a booty call. That would've been a nice twist.

    The flow was well-written and seamless in its transition of rhyme, forced or not, everything had its fit.
    | Posted on 2011-05-16 00:00:00 | by Dolor | [ Reply to This ]
      Well written, Specdro. I love how you were able to paint a picture without profanity or extensive description. I cannot say much; you're flow was perfect for me, no major kinks.
    Great choice of words, nothing seemed forced. It just flowed from line to line, each line ending with something drawing you to the next.

    Well done and welcome to Elite Skills,
    | Posted on 2007-05-26 00:00:00 | by djtswing | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]