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    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: We Are Carpentersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: freshcookies
    ASL Info:    18/F/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 56/63/39
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 117
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 472



    Description:
       Well, just the opposite of "We Are Not Carpenters"


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWe Are Carpentersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We're building a tower to the clouds,
    A skyscraper to carry us to heaven.
    The foundation is solid and sturdy.
    We've strengthened it over time
    And finally begun construction.
    Not fast enough!
    Pick up the pace!
    But no!
    Each brick must be laid
    With the utmost precision.
    Passion in the form of perfection.
    So it will stand strong
    As we slowly, slowly
    draw nearer to the sky.




    Submitted on 2007-05-21 22:05:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      lol mandi always gets to these posts first. ~.~

    anyways, I will say that it was decent
    and you are coming along in your writing however you have to watch out when writing free form because it has to be vivid and dimensional, while rhyme poems can be whatever.
    | Posted on 2007-05-22 00:00:00 | by mjstrees | [ Reply to This ]
      Again, this isn't bad, but it still didn't really grip me. But then again, I'm a fan of rhyme :)

    "The foundation is solid and sturdy.
    We've strengthened it over time
    And finally begun construction."

    This just didn't really make sense to me. You speak in the first two lines like the structure is already built, but then you say you've finally begun construction. It lends a bit of confusion to the write.

    Keep writing though, you've definitely got potential to be a great writer :)

    Cheers and God bless,

    ~Mandi~
    | Posted on 2007-05-22 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]



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