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    dots Submission Name: Acceptance From a Hidots

    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 202
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 955
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1288

       Title "Acceptance From a Higher Being

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAcceptance From a Hidots

    I am regularly known for my inconsistence.
    Would take my hand offering a little assistance.
    I have things to offer which are mystic
    In my ways artistic.
    Iím not the man I pretended to be.
    Youíre upset but I think you can still love me.
    Iíve said asinine things that were untrue.
    I stand in my slacked grandeur, please let me follow-through.
    As we kiss and slip under the sheet.
    You say "Chris," shattering walls of concrete.
    You still accept me after my shortcomings,
    You the glorious Queen of Homecoming.
    Now, that Iíve grasped you this isnít time released.
    On this game board of Life you are the centerpiece.
    Because of you, everything I touch is tender.
    You examine my soul no longer making me a pretender.
    With every question you ask.
    More and more of me, you unmask.
    Speak slowly my heart is still learning.
    Your heart is what my lessons are earning.
    In you I seek a Holy Grail.
    What I found was a lovely nightingale.
    This bird has been lost for so long.
    Now, openly singing his love song.
    Listening to the bird singing, Iím tongue-tied.
    You canít help but feel this truth filled lullaby

    Submitted on 2004-02-02 15:38:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i liked the metaphors on that person being sought as a Holy Grail and her being the centerpiece on the 'game board of life'.. pretty good...
    | Posted on 2004-02-02 00:00:00 | by MzJae | [ Reply to This ]
      this is obviously written to someone close to your heart and so how can i comment on the content i would not want to undermine your emotion. i do feel that this is a little hard to read and the floe is disjointed and the timing is slightly out. the rhyme does work for most of it but it just feels a little forced. if this was written without rhyme and the words floated out as opposed to being pinned down i feel the emotion would have more conviction, the rhyme debate is a merrygoround but i just feel it can surpress whatsomeone is trying to convey....
    | Posted on 2004-02-02 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it, your language and rhymes are great...i especially liked the part about the nightingale, nice imagery...
    Its strange that a person can change a life like that...
    | Posted on 2004-02-02 00:00:00 | by caspian | [ Reply to This ]

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