Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Ride Homedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: all the english boys
    ASL Info:    15
    Elite Ratio:    2.76 - 173/239/46
    Words: 168
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 999
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 942



    Description:
       This poem is based on the Great Gatsby. This is Gatsby telling his feelings after his death to Daisy. If you haven't read The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, I suggest it!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Ride Homedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I prayed for you under sacred arms
    Until my lungs hoarse and throat bleeding in sweet melody
    You like to sport your new silk dress
    Pressed in Milan, soaked in the blood
    Of your morals, now floating face down in a pool of your empty words
    If this green wax melted away with the chimes
    of an old grandfather clock you burned years ago
    then i would die with a laugh in my eyes
    But all I was left with was your eyes fading from my framed mirror
    a sliver of what once was
    All because I was a penny or so short
    Id throw a rock at that green light at your harbor
    Mocking me, always, if I had the strength
    Id shower you in diamonds, press you against the gold finish
    If only you had waited
    But do I even have a face in that cave you call a chest anymore?
    All I have now is a house, bloody towels
    and full frontal impact.




    Submitted on 2004-06-14 21:06:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I have not read this book and it's tempting not to.
    I was off and away in monochrome cinemascope, the sort that does cleverly allow one other colour to appear as required - green here...
    Your language and descriptors are really as evocative as that silk dress, that ghost liner steaming into nowhere.
    The book.
    Na. No need...
    K
    | Posted on 2004-07-01 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      i really disliked the Great Gatsby when i was a kid...think i'll read it again now. priviledged people always rubbed me the wrong way, so i might've held some prejudice 'gainst him...never quite got old F. Scott. he reminded me of Hemingway (shudders involentarily)...but since you put it that way, i think i'll give him another whirl. oh, and this is yet another one of my faves.
    | Posted on 2004-07-01 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
      yes! very good. the words you used were very atypical to most other i see on this site. i am very happy i read this. every line has its place and fits wonderfully. i wish i could actuall talk to you to explain every line and why i like them.
    "All I have now is a house, bloody towels
    and full frontal impact."
    amazing. this is a great piece. there is no exact structure which makes is so great. thank you.
    | Posted on 2004-06-14 00:00:00 | by BlackShingles | [ Reply to This ]
      You have unbelievable style for a person of your age. I have read some of your other poems before, and they are almost all very good. I would guess that your gift for writing far surpasses my own, but thank you anyway for the favorites post.
    | Posted on 2004-06-14 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    14314

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The World written by jjd
    Mystery Read written by kyserin

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry