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    dots Submission Name: The Ride Homedots

    Author: all the english boys
    ASL Info:    15
    Elite Ratio:    2.76 - 173/239/46
    Words: 168
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 999
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 942

       This poem is based on the Great Gatsby. This is Gatsby telling his feelings after his death to Daisy. If you haven't read The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, I suggest it!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Ride Homedots

    I prayed for you under sacred arms
    Until my lungs hoarse and throat bleeding in sweet melody
    You like to sport your new silk dress
    Pressed in Milan, soaked in the blood
    Of your morals, now floating face down in a pool of your empty words
    If this green wax melted away with the chimes
    of an old grandfather clock you burned years ago
    then i would die with a laugh in my eyes
    But all I was left with was your eyes fading from my framed mirror
    a sliver of what once was
    All because I was a penny or so short
    Id throw a rock at that green light at your harbor
    Mocking me, always, if I had the strength
    Id shower you in diamonds, press you against the gold finish
    If only you had waited
    But do I even have a face in that cave you call a chest anymore?
    All I have now is a house, bloody towels
    and full frontal impact.

    Submitted on 2004-06-14 21:06:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I have not read this book and it's tempting not to.
    I was off and away in monochrome cinemascope, the sort that does cleverly allow one other colour to appear as required - green here...
    Your language and descriptors are really as evocative as that silk dress, that ghost liner steaming into nowhere.
    The book.
    Na. No need...
    | Posted on 2004-07-01 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      i really disliked the Great Gatsby when i was a kid...think i'll read it again now. priviledged people always rubbed me the wrong way, so i might've held some prejudice 'gainst him...never quite got old F. Scott. he reminded me of Hemingway (shudders involentarily)...but since you put it that way, i think i'll give him another whirl. oh, and this is yet another one of my faves.
    | Posted on 2004-07-01 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
      yes! very good. the words you used were very atypical to most other i see on this site. i am very happy i read this. every line has its place and fits wonderfully. i wish i could actuall talk to you to explain every line and why i like them.
    "All I have now is a house, bloody towels
    and full frontal impact."
    amazing. this is a great piece. there is no exact structure which makes is so great. thank you.
    | Posted on 2004-06-14 00:00:00 | by BlackShingles | [ Reply to This ]
      You have unbelievable style for a person of your age. I have read some of your other poems before, and they are almost all very good. I would guess that your gift for writing far surpasses my own, but thank you anyway for the favorites post.
    | Posted on 2004-06-14 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]

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