Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lets Go Down (On Each Other)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Robert Neville
    ASL Info:    16/m/London
    Elite Ratio:    0.48 - 10/192/232
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 570
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 662



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLets Go Down (On Each Other)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lets Go Down (On Each Other)

    I'll show you mine
    as long as you dont laugh
    and if you show me yours
    it will mean more than my life is worth

    With my mouth, so empty
    but yet so full
    of everything
    sex, rock, words and all

    and when we're not alone
    i just wish we could be
    so i could give you a bone
    you could be hungry?
    i know i am

    Lets go down
    on each other
    i'm game, i know your not
    but still
    you can stand
    and i will kneel
    it doesnt bother me
    just dont tell my mother




    Submitted on 2007-05-22 14:49:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmmm... this is interesting... an interesting choice of topic. the only thing i think you should work on would be a more uniform pattern in stanza length and rhyme scheme. but other than that good write.


    ~remedy
    | Posted on 2007-05-24 00:00:00 | by remedy bayden | [ Reply to This ]
      o_o Ummm well..... Well not a bad write... The topic doesn't really interest me but hey... Wow..... o_o
    | Posted on 2007-05-23 00:00:00 | by Katlord | [ Reply to This ]
      This is completely [censored] awesome.
    That last line is amazing.
    It's not too raunchy, but as readers we still get some visuals.

    amazing.
    | Posted on 2007-05-22 00:00:00 | by taramarie | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    143143

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    To written by SavedDragon
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Giving written by jjd
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    This written by Chelebel
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Bond written by saartha
    What happens written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry