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    dots Submission Name: Hating Youdots

    Author: skinnard
    ASL Info:    22 male New York
    Elite Ratio:    2.17 - 38/76/49
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 963
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1078


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHating Youdots

    You're the source of all my despair
    Spreading your disease to all that I care

    I hate the very thought of you
    All that you've become and all that you are
    I hate the very thought of you
    So now you leave your scar

    I despise all that you've ever been
    Awaiting the day I see you dead

    You're a disease, a plague, an infestation
    Continuously eating away at my soul
    I can't take this complication
    On the ground, my head I hold

    Im hating you with all my heart
    May demons come and tear you apart

    May you suffer, may you die
    Bring forth upon the pain you deserve
    Let you drown in all of your lies
    And in a fiery hell, you shall burn

    I thought you could change
    But you'll always stay the same

    Hating you always and forever
    Therfore, Its time to put and end to it
    Ill fix this mess and make it better
    And kill you now, As i jump off this bridge

    Submitted on 2007-05-22 21:27:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Woah- this is angry stuff. Pretty good as well.

    The rhyme scheme confused me though- I think you lose it halfway though. Also, I wasn't too sure that it worked with a rhyme scheme- it made it feel that the poem was fitted to the rhymes, and, for me at least, the rhymes lightened the mood that you'd crafted. Maybe you could try writing it without a rhyme scheme and see what happens.

    I think it's good how you put across that you can hate someone to the brink of your own destruction, and that that hate can ultimately destroy you. You put across the hate really well, the words are just so venomous, and you can tell that they're just laced with so much feeling.

    "Let you drown in all of your lies
    And in a fiery hell, you shall burn"
    I like these two lines because you show that both fire and water should cause them pain- the two extremes as it were both hurting them- I think this really intensifies the anger.

    Anyway, I liked this, however, there are a few spelling issues, but bothered! Try it without the rhyme scheme, it may just make it fabulous.
    | Posted on 2007-06-01 00:00:00 | by Fifi | [ Reply to This ]
      i think you did a good job on this poem, it has alot of emotions with it.
    | Posted on 2007-05-23 00:00:00 | by Nessyjane | [ Reply to This ]

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