Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Refugedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Derrick Thomas
    ASL Info:    24/Male/Alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 21/59/39
    Words: 1992
    Class/Type: Story/Serious
    Total Views: 932
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 12987



    Description:
       I wrote this a while back.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRefugedots
    -------------------------------------------


    All likenesses in this story are real. All persons written about are copyright Themselves, Date of birth - 2006. Actually none of these people are real, save myself.

    That last sentence may be a lie.

    That last sentence may also be a lie.

    I entered the great hall cautiously; I had never been to this dark place before, but I needed badly to get out of the storm outside.

    The massive door, believe it or not, did not slam itself closed after I entered. Self-slamming doors are typical of dark places such as this. Maybe the owner couldn't afford the self-slamming models, I thought.

    I lean up against the door, and after exerting much effort, I slowly pushed it shut. The door must have weighed several hundred pounds. I turned and began to examine my surroundings.

    The ceiling, assuming there was one, could not be seen. The dark stone walls stretched upwards as far as the eye could see, eventually fading into darkness and mist. There were windows as well; stained glass of course, with each window brightly displaying its own, individual image. Something unseen illuminated the windows from behind, but the windows did not illuminate room. All of the windows, save one, were slightly cracked and broken. The first broken window depicted a green and blue sphere. The second window showed several faceless figures, all holding hands and encircling the sphere from the first window. The third window had several faceless figures standing closely together with a heart floating above them. The final window, the unbroken one, was just a picture of a heart.

    All of these windows were on the wall about 80 yards in straight front of me. Their immense brightness made the rest of the hall seem dark.

    I began walking towards the far end of the hall, looking around as I walked, seeing what I could see. Huge pillars, lining the path I was traveling on, reached up into the air. The top of them couldn't be seen.

    There was only one light source in this place; a single large chandelier, holding hundreds of white candles. This chandelier was also located at the far end of the hall, lighting some sort of altar.

    After a few minutes of walking, I found myself standing in the center of the altar. I looked down and saw this:



    The circle in the center is the one I was standing in. I felt gravitated to that spot. It just felt right standing there. Written in my circle was the word 'Neutral'. In the circle straight in front of me it said 'Conceited'. To my left it said 'Pitiful', and to my right it said 'Bastard.'

    It dawned on me at that point that I had no idea what this place was. I decided that this might actually not be any safer than the storm outside, and it might be a good idea to leave. But to where? Was I here for a reason? It seemed like there was, but I couldn't quite remember. I started to leave.

    A loud, resounding "No!" rang throughout the great hall.

    Out of nowhere, a man stepped into existence. He was standing a few feet in front of me, outside the altar. We both just sort of stared at each other for a few seconds. It was a very awkward time for the both of us, I think. After a few seconds, he spoke: "Hi."

    I waited a bit for him to speak again. He looked sort of anxious. After a minute or so, he spoke again, "Well, ok then. Don't say hi back, Neutral."

    "Oh, um... hi. What did you call me?" I asked.

    "Neutral? That is who you are, so it seemed fit to call you by that."

    "My name isn't Neutral, its Derrick..."

    "Not here its not. Here, you are Neutral."

    I decided to just go with it. "Where exactly is... here?"

    "This place... does not really have a name..."

    "Do you have a name?"

    "Aye."

    We both stood there for a bit. "Um.. what is it?" I asked.

    "Oh, it's Facilitator."

    Facilitator was a strange looking fellow. He had longish blonde hair, and a really long beard. However, he looked to be a teenager. His eyes, they seemed tired. Facilitator was an old man stuck in a childs body.

    "All your friends are here." Facilitator said sadly.

    Maybe they can help me figure out whats going on, I thought. "When can I meet them?"

    "Right now, if you would like."

    "Ok." I replied.

    Facilitator sighed and turned to his left. "Come on out, guys."

    Once again, out of nowhere, a door appeared. There was a shiny metal plaque on the door that read "His Friends". I could hear the door handle being turned back and forth, and then someone began to knock. A voice came from behind the door: "Hey, the door is locked, dude."

    Facilitator looked embarrassed. "Oh, um, sorry guys." Facilitator muttered quietly as he walked over to the door and unlocked it.

    He walked back over to the spot he had been standing the whole time before the door opened. Out walked several figures, each lacking all facial features, clothing, or even any anatomical features. All they possessed that would allow one to tell them apart was a single word written on each of their chests. They read: Thinker, Abuser, Philosopher, Artist, Laudable, and Diffident.

    Do I know these people?

    Artist came up first. "Hey, whats up Derrick?"

    "What is this pla-"

    "I'm gonna go stand over here now." Artist interrupted and said, the promptly walked away and stood in another part of the hall.

    Thinker spoke up next: "I'm going to leave this place. But I didn't tell you that."

    Thinker didn't actually go anywhere though. He/She/It just remained there. I had no idea what was going on.

    "Yo." Abuser said.

    Diffident came up to me next. "Man, Derrick, it sucked being locked behind that door. It was cold back there. Do you think I'm a sissy for saying that?"

    "No..." I replied. "You shouldn't worry what I think about you..."

    "Ok, sorry."

    Diffident walked off and sat in a corner.

    "What have you been up to lately?" Abuser asked. "Its been forever since we've talked. Oh, I'll be right back."

    Abuser had spotted another, better group of people, and went off to join them.

    Philosopher skipped up to me. "Heyyyy Derrick! What are you doing in these parts?"

    "No idea." I answered.

    "Fine then. Don't give me a real answer." Philosopher stalked off.

    Thinker sighed heavily, then walked slowly out of the great hall.

    Laudable was the only one left, and it didn't have anything to say. Laudable just sat down.

    I looked at Facilitator. He was frowning.

    "What just happened?" I asked him.

    "You didn't do any good tricks, so they all got bored."

    "Well that wasn't very nice of them."

    "People only want friends that can do good tricks, it's your own fault."

    "Oh."

    I looked at the ground, feeling useless. My feet began to glow and tingle. The glow traveled slowly up my body, eventually enveloping the entire thing.

    This sort of freaked me out.

    "No need to worry, this isn't going to hurt. Its just the last three." Facilitator said, now sitting on the ground.

    "What do you mean?"

    Three people appeared in the circles around me. They looked exactly like the three people that came out of the "My Friends" door. The words written on their chests corresponded to the words written on the circle: Conceited, Bastard, and Pitiful.

    "Who are you all?" I asked them, looking from one to the next.

    "Thats not a good question." The one labeled 'Pitiful' said. "Try 'Why are you such a loser that you bored all your friends?'"

    "No, fuck that. They don't deserve to hang out with you. You are a step above them intellectually." Conceited said.

    "I don't really think so... most of them are way above me actually." I replied.

    Bastard was next: "Fuck them. You don't need them."

    I looked over to Facilitator for some help. He was sitting on the floor beside Laudable.

    "Well don't look at me, you are the one that has to deal with them." Facilitator said impatiently.

    Laudable didn't say anything at all.

    I thought about the situation at hand for a few seconds, then said, "Pitiful, Bastard, Conceited? How about this: Let me handle this situation. Those people, 'my friends', they left because they wanted to. Being angry, sad, or conceited because of it isn't going to help."

    "But they deserted you!" Bastard yelled.

    "They aren't good enough to hang out with you." Said Conceited.

    "You aren't even worth their time." Pitiful whispered.

    I'm through talking with you all. I muttered.

    I took in a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, then blew the three of them away. They flew through the hall, eventually fading out of existence.

    Facilitator stood up, clapping weakly. "Well done. Do you feel better now, Neutral?"

    "Yes, its a lot more calm in here now."

    "Aye, it is, isn't it?"

    The two of us stood there awkwardly for a few seconds.

    "Well, Neutral, you finished what you came for. You can leave now, if you want to."

    "I came here for that? Why don't I remember that thats why I came here?"

    "I guess you got distracted at some point."

    "Ah. Well ok then. I guess I'm gonna go then."

    "Ok."

    "Alrighty. Bye bye."

    Facilitator waved indifferently. I turned and walked back to the door I came in. It was easy to open and close this time, for some reason.

    The world outside of the great hall was very bright. The sun was shining now, and nature was making her naturey sounds. The world was very beautiful. There was a trail leading from the doorway into a serene looking forest. I took a deep breath and started down the trail leading into the woods. Before too long, I came upon a clearing with an old, big log lying off to the side of the trail. I decided to sit there and think about the days events.

    Getting rid of those three, Bastard, Pitiful, and Conceited had made me feel much better. The whole situation was weird. I heard singing in the distance. I looked up to see who was coming. A guy wearing a Pink Floyd hoodie walked out of the trees and sat down beside me. It was Steve. I had been talking to him about my problems before the rain had started.

    "Hello there." Steve said, smiling at me. "Enjoy that rain storm?"

    "It was pretty hardcore." I replied.

    "Yeah, I did that."

    "You started that storm?"

    "Yep."

    "What for?"

    "To chase you into that building so you could deal with your problems. Do you feel better now?

    Yes, I really do. Everything around here is peaceful now.

    Then I suppose you are finished here. Open your eyes."

    I opened my eyes. I was in my room, sitting on my bed. After yawning, I got off my bed and stretched.

    "That was a particularly good bit of meditating," I thought. "I feel much better now."

    I walked out of my room, and went into the kitchen to find some food. All that meditating made me hungry.

    The end.

    -Dtom




    Submitted on 2007-05-24 08:51:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      well, this is a bit different, but not in a bad way...for the most part i agree with jazzy, but also i sort of think that the ending felt a tiny bit rushed, like it was building and building, like a storm almost, and then suddenly a gust of wind cleared it all away.
    almost anti climactic....
    for me anyway

    ah well..
    xoxox
    | Posted on 2007-05-31 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this as all that it represents, or all that it doesnt represent. I think I know my place, but thus far I have not been bored by you....I think I am going to write a reply to this.
    | Posted on 2007-05-24 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    143255

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Shi written by ShyOne
    Love written by saartha
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Cover written by saartha
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry