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Submission Name:
Storm
--------------------------------------------------------
Author:
skinnard
ASL Info:
22 male New York
Elite Ratio:
2.17 - 38/76/49
Words:
79
Class/Type:
Poetry/Misc
Total Views:
828
Average Vote:
No vote yet.
Bytes:
561
Description:
its one of my older ones. i dont really like it that much but let me know wat you think
Storm
-------------------------------------------
Caught in the wind
Lost in a storm
Misdirected
To which there is no return
The blizzard hits
And snow piles high
Freezing, shaking
Hoping to die
Everything freezes
And I hear feint laughter
Lightning strikes
And with ice, my heart shatters
The winds pick up
Rain burns like acid
Shelter me now
Set me off in my casket
Then sand forms around
And blinds my eyes
All goes black
I wonder, have I died
Submitted on 2007-05-24 22:01:52
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!
||| Comments |||
wow i loved this. so cool how you connected it with the weather. really good job
| Posted on 2007-05-25 00:00:00 | by
DontLetGo421
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Reply to This
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pretty good, i could somewhat feel i was in the environment you were describing as i read. you didn't spell faint right though in the third stanza, second line. good job.
</3 lisa
| Posted on 2007-05-25 00:00:00 | by
777sacrites777
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its cool but i feel that the audience plays a very sacro sant role in any work of arts so tell me what was your message ? but in all it was cool
| Posted on 2007-05-25 00:00:00 | by
kingsley
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Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [
Guidelines
]
1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?
143297
Jimmy Ruska
Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
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January 10 07
131,497 Poems
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