Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 20/20 Vision In A Different Prison dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ensult
    ASL Info:    19/Male/New York
    Elite Ratio:    3.01 - 115/114/31
    Words: 342
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 674
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1944



    Description:
       This is just for one of my over-generous friends who in my opinion is pretty naive to his surroundings.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots20/20 Vision In A Different Prison dots
    -------------------------------------------


    "I'll Help" he says to keep his smile
    A smile which to him is his pride
    The pride in which a man feels for good deeds
    These deeds which his manhood feeds therefore it needs
    he'll give a ride to the store or maybe to the moon
    But naive his fate he awaits too soon
    His only reward is the glory and bliss
    of knowing he helped and gave all of this
    All of his time and all of his care
    All of the his time and care to revoke why daddy wasn't there
    Keys to his house so his friends may rest
    His own worn pillow for the tears of a widow
    the shirt off his back is as good as yours
    All you need is ask and he'll perform the task
    But here this sheep lies in a world of beasts
    a smile from the burbs ain't a a smile from the streets
    But crooked he's not a deed a he'll do
    If it makes him smile just to help you
    A lot to most is a little to him
    So as a stranger stays in a place unknown
    So as a sranger makes home to a place not their own
    So as a stranger takes over and sets the tone
    A nice deed turns into a welcoming mat
    where his face bears a welcome home tat
    see where he's from the Hi's and Bye's are genuine
    See where he's from is run by gentlemen
    So the kind ways of how he was groomed
    Is the kind ways of the world he assumes
    "Nobody's gonna hurt me nothing bad will happen"
    But money is the root of all evil
    Nothin else can do what money can do to people
    Cause a life can be take for a couple of coins
    Men exchange nickels and dimes for your loins
    He fools himself with his friendly gestures
    But which King ever respected a Jester
    And all we can do is watch, stare, and grieve
    for a kind smile that remains so Naive




    Submitted on 2007-05-25 01:03:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is very powerful and tries to play Devils Advocate to the giver - I've been accused of being too naive and giving too much but it doesn't dissuade me.

    This has the mundane reality to it - but this man has "IT" - the gift of giving without thinking of cost - whatever that cost may be.

    I liked this a lot and it is good food for thought.

    love,peace,joy&smiles to share

    tif
    | Posted on 2007-05-25 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    143303

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry