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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Angel Of Minedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 767
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 715



    Description:
       Yeah the ends is weak somthing i want to work to get better but i have a lack of words to express...errgggaaa...!!!!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAngel Of Minedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Angel Of Mine
    There is not one type of rhyme
    There not one line
    That I can write
    to express
    What I would do
    to keep you mine

    "Angel Of Mine
    till the hearbeat
    hits the Flat Line"

    There nothing but you on my mind
    There is no other woman as fine
    Compare you to the sunshine
    Baby Girl you win in a land slide

    "Angel Of Mine
    till the hearbeat
    hits the Flat Line"

    OOOOO Angel of Mine
    Sweet Angel of mine
    Hold me to the end of time


    "Angel Of Mine
    till the hearbeat
    hits the final Flat Line"




    Submitted on 2007-05-25 19:44:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think yo did a fabulous job here, I can hear the beat and melody clearly. It seems to me that this would be a hit as rap or hip hop. Very sweet and well written piece.
    | Posted on 2008-01-25 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      is this suppose to be a song?
    it sounds really good if you know how to play the drums or if you know how to play guitar or something.

    i really like it tho:]

    -yvonne.
    | Posted on 2007-12-04 00:00:00 | by YvonneJoyce | [ Reply to This ]
      wel, on your previously received comment, i think its author wil find an repetition is an occupational hazard of lyrics, given that songs have choruses. lol. Anyway, on your actual piece, i love the chorus, i like your unusual use of the flat line image, but i do agree with lithium to a certain degree. your verses are too predictable in their rhyming for such a good chorus. i'd leave it alone for a while, then come back to it with fresh ideas, stil keepin your originality within the chorus. charlie xxx
    | Posted on 2007-05-26 00:00:00 | by Charlie Poppins | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree. The poem seemed more of a song than an actual poem--but I like that approach. My favorite part is the first cluster of words:

    "Angel Of Mine
    There is not one type of rhyme
    There not one line
    That I can write
    to express
    What I would do
    to keep you mine"

    I am sure the girl you have written this poem for will find it sweet.

    Good write.

    ~Steph
    | Posted on 2007-05-25 00:00:00 | by xXCptn_SephyXx | [ Reply to This ]
      Meh...the rhyme scheme in this poem was very sing-songy, and you were using the same words over and over again. The whole thing was very repetative.
    | Posted on 2007-05-25 00:00:00 | by lithium_poetry | [ Reply to This ]


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