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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Awakingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: NoMartyr
    ASL Info:    18/M/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    2.95 - 29/60/51
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 202
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 881



    Description:
       Waking up after a long sleep...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAwakingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Outside of my room I wake to birds chirping
    Watching the clouds as the day breaks open
    I rub my eyes, how long was I sleeping?
    Up on my feet, 'cause I've made it home

    I remember a time where we fancied a plenty
    We'd walk in the streets and go dancing
    I remember the words, the few and the many
    The words unspoken, fallen and fleeting

    They took all the glass and I decided to skip town
    The cold front set in and it started to come down
    They stole my father, he's no longer here
    To call this place home, it's rather fearful

    In the face of danger we turned against ourselves
    How quickly we've fallen, this strong ensemble
    Just brush ourselves off, the noonday approaches
    The sky sends its love, and everything's alright.




    Submitted on 2007-05-26 03:34:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I thought this write was pretty good
    To me you are describing a child who has grown up and now finds himself all alone as his parents have passed on
    Our children definately need to realise more that ones family is the lifeblood of happiness
    I strongly believe the only True Love someone will ever feel on this Earth is in the arms of his family
    You showed this well
    I also believe this is a strong and important write for the youth of the World to read
    Life is much more happier with the Love of ones family carrying them rather then hate
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-05-29 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This kind of threw me off. Your meter is off and the flow is choppy. I didn't understand what was going on. Some of the lines made sense on their own but not when they were put together with other lines. It wasn't bad but it was hard to read and hard to understand. You might work on it a little bit. Sorry for the not so hot comment, I'm sure you wanted your first one on this piece to be great.
    | Posted on 2007-05-26 00:00:00 | by Raineyes | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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