Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Alienationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nolram
    ASL Info:    29/M
    Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 58/61/33
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 945
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 593



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAlienationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Mostly disregarded like an old notebook, she walks like a mystery absolved of all guilt and morality
    forsaken by the world but embraced by the forsaken lost she looks like a ragdoll at the mercy of a pointless existence
    unfettered by the thoughts of the loved and accepted unmoved by the reach of the concerned and affected She knows who lies and she knows who will burn
    But it doesn't matter much
    she's too numb for your concern. An attempt to save her results in pain
    a drain for the already weary
    a stain in the light of nothingness




    Submitted on 2007-05-26 03:49:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow! this is a really good piece. I can relate with it so well. I always had problems with the other kids in school. But after a while the weird kids crowded around me.

    forsaken by the world but embraced by the forsaken

    I felt so alone and empty and I hated it when everybody pitied me. I brushed off concern with lies.

    It's well written and it flows well. The imagery is great. I especially liked this line:

    Mostly disregarded like an old notebook, she walks like a mystery absolved of all guilt and morality

    And this one:

    lost she looks like a ragdoll at the mercy of a pointless existence

    You might expand on this and create a short story out of it. I really liked it. expansion would probably be good.
    | Posted on 2007-05-26 00:00:00 | by Raineyes | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    143379

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Forgotten Umbrella written by garnet4david
    Variety written by saartha
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Phoenetians and Us written by Torie
    Eyes written by homeless
    Merge written by saartha
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Two written by homeless
    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    Yearn written by saartha
    One Time Is Good written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled - 8/2017 written by homeless
    Sleeping Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Moon and Me written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Collision written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Outside the Chain written by Wolfwatching
    Blank Page written by Chelebel
    Chèvrefeuille written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Jar (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Forgetting You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    I Believed written by homeless
    No More Damn Love Poems written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Dreamt written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Rough written by saartha
    Buried written by MyPeriodical
    Ardent written by saartha
    I Wonder If written by Wolfwatching
    Shading written by saartha
    April 1, 2018 written by homeless

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry