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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Alienationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nolram
    ASL Info:    29/M
    Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 58/61/33
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1006
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 593



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAlienationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Mostly disregarded like an old notebook, she walks like a mystery absolved of all guilt and morality
    forsaken by the world but embraced by the forsaken lost she looks like a ragdoll at the mercy of a pointless existence
    unfettered by the thoughts of the loved and accepted unmoved by the reach of the concerned and affected She knows who lies and she knows who will burn
    But it doesn't matter much
    she's too numb for your concern. An attempt to save her results in pain
    a drain for the already weary
    a stain in the light of nothingness




    Submitted on 2007-05-26 03:49:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow! this is a really good piece. I can relate with it so well. I always had problems with the other kids in school. But after a while the weird kids crowded around me.

    forsaken by the world but embraced by the forsaken

    I felt so alone and empty and I hated it when everybody pitied me. I brushed off concern with lies.

    It's well written and it flows well. The imagery is great. I especially liked this line:

    Mostly disregarded like an old notebook, she walks like a mystery absolved of all guilt and morality

    And this one:

    lost she looks like a ragdoll at the mercy of a pointless existence

    You might expand on this and create a short story out of it. I really liked it. expansion would probably be good.
    | Posted on 2007-05-26 00:00:00 | by Raineyes | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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