[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: memorysdots

    Author: Cricket
    ASL Info:    19/F/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    2.48 - 81/51/27
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Story/Serious
    Total Views: 626
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 898


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Sun bleached cement tattooed with fault lines
    Dust, leaves, and candy rappers
    Scattered about hiding in crevasses

    Four legged black beast crouching low
    Rusted chain hanging loosely below a massive head
    Golden brown eyes staring intently at an object in the distance

    Through slightly gaping pierced lips
    Glimpse of curved ivory fangs
    Speckled tongue free flowing saliva

    Seemingly lifeless body dressed in ebony and crimson
    Skin with so many scars they blend into one
    Fire red hair grey green eyes blazing

    Blood red lips parted
    Just enough for the gleaming platinum object between them
    Crimson rain drops every where

    Invisible tears cried for a lost soul
    Stolen glances into a tormented mind
    Possible glimpse of a far away smile

    Submitted on 2007-05-26 14:48:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Damn, I like the imagery. I see a kind of cross between a dog and a sabertooth tiger on the saltflats (forgot where exactly those were...nevada?) and standing over a fresh kill and gazing out over the landscape and seeing the flash of his mate's smile.

    I like it. It sounds like there's a lot more story behind it. "stolen glances into a tormented mind" suggests, to me, that the kill I mentioned above wasn't made out of plain hunger or mirth, but out of defence or for the good of the world.

    I espically like "Fire red hair grey green eyes blazing" 'cause I've got long 'flaming' red hair and green eyes Although I'm not so sure what that character's all about, I do like "memorys"

    PS: Thanks for the comment on "Look at me Now."
    | Posted on 2007-06-22 00:00:00 | by Zai | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]