[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Different Choices dots

    Author: Specdro
    ASL Info:    28/Of Course/NY
    Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 21/53/38
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1023
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 733

       I am notorious for making the "wrong" choice. This is the best excuse I could come up with :)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDifferent Choices dots

    When certain events occur
    Choices are slightly blurred
    We donít always choose the same
    But we have only ourselves to blame

    When love is at stake we choose for them
    When money is short we take the ends
    We try to make the decision that is best
    But everyone is not equally blessed

    Some people struggle just to survive
    Other people always feel alive
    Some people donít have a silver plate
    Eyes are closed to the others fate

    We make different choices whether right or wrong
    We sing different tunes but itís the same old song
    Before you question and ask them why
    Try to see their choices from their eyes

    Submitted on 2007-05-26 16:15:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      It's always about love, isn't it? ... I mean most of the issues we have....

    At times, I felt as if I could relate to this particularly as to stanza 1 and taking into account whatís happing currently in my sodding life....

    You seem, as I said above, to be talking about love and poverty.... that's what I got while and after reading your piece.... but there's more Öyou also mention, in my view, the unfairness of being born in a poor family, to put it that way....
    "Some people struggle just to survive"
    Other people always feel alive"

    And you appear to be utterly affected by the way politicians overlook the needs of the poor "Eyes are closed to the others fate"

    At the end you say that we always tell ourselves that this time we are going to do things differently or that we won't make the same mistake again ... but we bloody do ... like it was our nature.... there is a lot to say about that couple of lines ... I mean they were the best ones... there is almost a religious connotation in them ... moreover, these lines sorts of echo the idea of going to church to wash way our sins and committing them all over again like a vicious circle, so to speak ....

    I realized you asked general writing advice but I couldnít help writing... my general writing piece of advise then would be to add some punctuation on account of the fact that I had difficulties in getting all the ideas your were displaying without having proper pauses .... pauses that allow people to digest what one is reading ... also taking into consideration that some of your lines are considerably long ... which bring me to the next issue thatís line breaks ....you may want to think about that too.

    I guess I've said enough that's about it!
    Feel free to cast aside all I've said.

    Cheers and smiles,

    | Posted on 2007-05-27 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]