You and Me, Not We

Author: djtswing Elite Ratio:    5.03 - 88 /95 /74 Words: 64

Class/Type: Poetry /Love Total Views: 1136 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 412

Description:

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You and Me, Not We

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Like I'll really confess when all was said in false pretense. No regret, no love, no chance for what we spoke of. A life of fun, a life of fame, a flawless life in the immaculate game. I'm not just thinking we're through, I knew it the moment I met you. You weren't meant for for me, there's you and there's me, not we.

Submitted on 2007-05-26 19:21:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

There is power in what you're trying to say, but I don't think it's expressed to its potential. It is clear what you're saying: that the writer will never be with this person romantically because this person in a sense is fake in personality and ultimately a lower standard, and everything about this person is a sham, like most famous people. Oh, but I can feel the ingenuity throughout in this poem! I think it's constructed finely, but needs crafting and reshaping, to become powerful. Right now, it's a fracture of what is possible. Perhaps a more detailed description of this person and the whole scenario dealing with love and ideals and people can be further expressed because not many can see it as clearly as I can, but even so, I appreciate this piece to its fullest, because the multiple themes can be related to everyday life, which is refreshingly original without repetition. I like it. :)

| Posted on 2007-06-04 00:00:00 | by Dolor | [ Reply to This ]

hmm. well it has no... flow? I guess you could say. This seems like a rant-ish sort of thing; why don't you try revising it and putting it up for comments again? You obviously have something to say here, though! peace, Lucy

| Posted on 2007-05-27 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]

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