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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You and Me, Not Wedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: djtswing
    Elite Ratio:    5.03 - 88/95/74
    Words: 64
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 684
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 412



    Description:
       A Break Up Kind of Thing...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou and Me, Not Wedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Like I'll really confess
    when all was said in false pretense.
    No regret, no love,
    no chance for what we spoke of.
    A life of fun, a life of fame,
    a flawless life in the immaculate game.
    I'm not just thinking we're through,
    I knew it the moment I met you.
    You weren't meant for for me,
    there's you and there's me, not we.




    Submitted on 2007-05-26 19:21:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      There is power in what you're trying to say, but I don't think it's expressed to its potential. It is clear what you're saying: that the writer will never be with this person romantically because this person in a sense is fake in personality and ultimately a lower standard, and everything about this person is a sham, like most famous people.

    Oh, but I can feel the ingenuity throughout in this poem! I think it's constructed finely, but needs crafting and reshaping, to become powerful. Right now, it's a fracture of what is possible. Perhaps a more detailed description of this person and the whole scenario dealing with love and ideals and people can be further expressed because not many can see it as clearly as I can, but even so, I appreciate this piece to its fullest, because the multiple themes can be related to everyday life, which is refreshingly original without repetition. I like it. :)
    | Posted on 2007-06-04 00:00:00 | by Dolor | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm. well it has no... flow? I guess you could say. This seems like a rant-ish sort of thing; why don't you try revising it and putting it up for comments again? You obviously have something to say here, though!

    peace, Lucy
    | Posted on 2007-05-27 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]


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