Waiting by Silenced Hope

Now its not like a knife is being driven into my heart
And its not like my world is filled with darkness
And its not like food doesn’t taste as good
Or that colors aren’t as bright

And its not like it’s harder to breath
And its not like there’s no more humor
And its not like I can’t get through the day
But when you’re not here
There’s something missing

It’s like a sunset without the ocean
It’s like finger painting by yourself
It’s like seeing a hobo give a businessman some spare change
Or seeing a blind man moon walking through traffic
Untouched
Or seeing a baby skydiving at night
Or seeing a tax collector pay the difference
And not having a camera with you

It’s like a poet without a beat box
It’s like a captain without a crew
All I smell is stale
Because my breath of fresh air
Isn’t here to inhale
Down here
Its just recycled lung capacity
Growing larger and smaller
Expanding and shrinking
And now I’m thinking

If I’m wrong for hating these recycled days alone
Where all I do is come full circle
Twice a day
So it feels like one day takes forever to get through
Then you can just call me Once-ler and come back
Because that’s the only way I’ll stop feeling
Like I’m wasting my day

Now I don’t want to sound clingy or needy
And I don’t want to sound like I can’t stand on my own two feet
Because I can
But I’m pacing back and forth, rearranging things as I walk

I made the bed, I swept the floor
I walked the dog three times or more
I tried to read, but I couldn’t sit
I poked the cat until it bit
I changed some bulbs in every room
Pulled every bristle off the broom
Got the mail then threw it out
Waiting for the phone to shout
Read newspapers already read
Washed dishes til my knuckles bled
Shaved until my face was raw
Took pictures on and off the wall
And all of this
Within the first hour

And incase you’re wondering
I am aware of how pathetic I sound

And its not like it’s harder to breath
And its not like colors aren’t as bright
But without you here
I’ve realized how cold it is at night

And its not like my world is filled with darkness
And its not like I can’t get through the day
But some things aren’t as funny anymore
And my hands miss yours

The light still sings as it falls through leaves of trees
Tumbling through the air
Giggling like a five year old hyped up on helium
Almost too loud to hear
But I don’t see it for what it is
Right now it’s just a glare in my eye
Just a high-pitched noise I don’t recognize
And another reminder not to look directly at the sun

So I substitute with the moon
And stared wide eyed
At the pale pot marked beauty of the night
The lights in the sky shine like the pupils of your eyes
When you smile
So I count stars and ignore constellations
And loose count on purpose
To try and stare into your eyes
For as long as astronomically possible
Without feeling awkward
Even though you’re not here

Now I’m starting to get comfortable
So I’ll say what I’ve been meaning to say

You’re the highlight of my day
The apex, the peak
The voice that wakes me up when all I can do is sleep
The voice that talks to me, even if I wont speak
You’re a plateau expanding in all directions

And I’ve been flat lining the past few days
Searching the ground for slope
Groping my wrist for a pulse
So I can find you
In the bumps and rises of my lifeline

And its not like my world is filled with darkness
And its not like I can’t get through the day
But when you’re not here
It sucks
And the things I do to waste my day
Pass in the blink of an eye
So distraction
Has left me with thoughts of you

So I’m gonna wait here
Staring at the moon
Counting the stars
Feeling for your pulse
Waiting for you