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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: God and Countrydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Scribner
    Elite Ratio:    2.3 - 131/134/18
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1173
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 611



    Description:
       Rhyme scheme is visual, try to pause at punctuation rather than line, or it will read funny. It probably does anyway. LOL


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGod and Countrydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Watch them march off to the wars,
    brainwashed to think that killing is right.
    They are their government pawns. Their whores,
    used and then forgotten. Bred only to fight.

    They go into battle with the enemy, crying
    their war whoop vainly in the smoke filled air.
    "For love of God and country!" Trying
    to get God to take sides in their childish affair.

    We kill each other in the name of love,
    and must bear the guilt of Macbeth.
    I pray someday we will rise above
    hate to see that love can play no part in death.




    Submitted on 2004-02-02 18:00:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Misreading one of the comments, thought it said 'lonely piece', and somehow, that seemed right to me. I don't know why, it has a bit of a detached feeling to it, and that adds to the effect. That void feeling when you're in too deep...
    This is a great piece. It's been done, but this brings fresh thoughts to it.
    | Posted on 2004-02-23 00:00:00 | by Niphredil | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is a great piece. (and to cuddledumplin...it HAS to be their ..ie the govt's whores;;they're wouldn't be right no matter what )..I really like several lines, but I think the one that will stick me with me is.."love can play no part in death."...for sure. Thanks , Silver
    | Posted on 2004-02-03 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      In the third line the "their" should be "they're." That is, unless their whores are fighting.
    | Posted on 2004-02-02 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the write overall, the technique is good... it flows. I like writes that make me think, but i dont necessarily care for writes that make me think of Metallica songs, as "Disposable Heroes" comes to mind with this read.. keep it up tho, thats just me, im an expletive that will probably get censored anyway
    | Posted on 2004-02-02 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]
      It's actually pretty good... even the topic is quite interesting...
    | Posted on 2004-02-02 00:00:00 | by MzJae | [ Reply to This ]
      i don't think it's a bad write @ all. loved the middle stanza. excellent abab type rhyme.. keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2004-02-02 00:00:00 | by drkpoet | [ Reply to This ]


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