Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: God and Countrydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Scribner
    Elite Ratio:    2.3 - 131/134/18
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1205
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 611



    Description:
       Rhyme scheme is visual, try to pause at punctuation rather than line, or it will read funny. It probably does anyway. LOL


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGod and Countrydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Watch them march off to the wars,
    brainwashed to think that killing is right.
    They are their government pawns. Their whores,
    used and then forgotten. Bred only to fight.

    They go into battle with the enemy, crying
    their war whoop vainly in the smoke filled air.
    "For love of God and country!" Trying
    to get God to take sides in their childish affair.

    We kill each other in the name of love,
    and must bear the guilt of Macbeth.
    I pray someday we will rise above
    hate to see that love can play no part in death.




    Submitted on 2004-02-02 18:00:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Misreading one of the comments, thought it said 'lonely piece', and somehow, that seemed right to me. I don't know why, it has a bit of a detached feeling to it, and that adds to the effect. That void feeling when you're in too deep...
    This is a great piece. It's been done, but this brings fresh thoughts to it.
    | Posted on 2004-02-23 00:00:00 | by Niphredil | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is a great piece. (and to cuddledumplin...it HAS to be their ..ie the govt's whores;;they're wouldn't be right no matter what )..I really like several lines, but I think the one that will stick me with me is.."love can play no part in death."...for sure. Thanks , Silver
    | Posted on 2004-02-03 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      In the third line the "their" should be "they're." That is, unless their whores are fighting.
    | Posted on 2004-02-02 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the write overall, the technique is good... it flows. I like writes that make me think, but i dont necessarily care for writes that make me think of Metallica songs, as "Disposable Heroes" comes to mind with this read.. keep it up tho, thats just me, im an expletive that will probably get censored anyway
    | Posted on 2004-02-02 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]
      It's actually pretty good... even the topic is quite interesting...
    | Posted on 2004-02-02 00:00:00 | by MzJae | [ Reply to This ]
      i don't think it's a bad write @ all. loved the middle stanza. excellent abab type rhyme.. keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2004-02-02 00:00:00 | by drkpoet | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    1436

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love written by saartha
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    The World written by jjd
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Etiquette written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry